Morals
by Kovukono
Summary: Akasare is left for dead out in the middle of nowhere, only to be found by two lions in their quest for kingdoms of their own. Akasare is swept up into their plans, only to pursue a kingdom for himself.
1. Learning

Kovu, Nala, Vitani, Timon, Pumbaa, and Simba are all copyrighted to Disney

Kovu, Nala, Vitani, Timon, Pumbaa, and Simba are all copyrighted to Disney. Sicwele, Dingane, Mpande, Asari, Shetani, and Gakan (last two not mentioned by name), as well as the sequence from the story _Goodbye_, all belong to Roger Byrum, a.k.a. spottedhyena, and are used with his permission. Taraju, Akasare, Fujo, Tumai, Ghera, Shujaa, Haja, Kwanza, and Mvushi are all my characters, and not to be used without my permission.

Morals

Prologue

Taraju was cowering in the back of the den. He could hear roars and yowls coming from outside it, and a moon shining over it, blissfully unaware of the battle below it. Every lion in there with him had a face filled with fear, along with a cheetah. There was a meerkat and a warthog trembling next to a pair of lionesses. Several lionesses were on the floor, bleeding, looking as if they had gone through a stampede. He was in front of a group of cubs like himself, all huddled in a corner.

"They've broken through, they've broken through!" He turned his head to see a lioness shouting at the cave entrance. He saw the lioness get slammed to the ground by a cheetah. Ten more rushed in, led by a huge one. The lionesses immediately charged the cheetahs, several of them getting swatted down in the first assault, along with the cheetah that had already been in the den.

It became clear to the cheetahs that they couldn't keep up the assault, as first one fell, then two more. They did their best to avoid the able lionesses and rushed around, trying to kill the wounded and elderly, ones they knew they could take. It was obvious that had been told to take as many lionesses with them as possible. When there were no more handicapped lionesses to kill, the rest turned their attention on the other lionesses. One swatted the meerkat into a wall, the warthog joining him shortly. The lionesses slowly fell to the cheetahs, taking all but two with them.

When the last lioness finally fell, the two remaining cheetahs looked around the cave. It couldn't have taken more than two minutes. The bigger one went over to the cheetah who had been in the den before the attack started, kicked him.

"My brother, the traitor." He noticed the fallen cheetah still was breathing. He raised a paw to strike him.

"Simba's coming!" shouted the other cheetah from the mouth of the den. The bigger one swiped at his brother in frustration, knocking him a foot across the ground.

"We can't stay here. They're stronger than we thought." The bigger cheetah looked around the den, noticed the cubs sitting in the corner. "Well, look what we missed." He smiled and advanced on them. Taraju and the others tried to back farther into the corner.

"He's at the base!"

"Just take one of the cubs and run! We'll decide what to do with them later." He lunged forward, catching a dark-skinned cub in his jaws. The other cheetah was right behind him. He picked up Taraju, lifted him off the ground. Taraju's world spun around him, making him nauseous as his cheetah swung Taraju around as he turned to face the bigger cheetah. "Go! You first!"

Taraju's cheetah ran through a hole in the back of the den. He heard a roaring fill the den as he left it. He suddenly was out of the den, the bigger cheetah right behind him, followed closely by a lion. They all ran. Finally, the lion jumped onto the larger cheetah, sinking his claws into him. Taraju saw the cheetah bite down on his cub in pain, then threw him aside as he turned to face the lion.

"Fujo!" The scream came unbidden from Taraju's throat. His cheetah clamped down on him, drilling his teeth into him and forcing him into silence. The cheetah kept running, as far and fast as he could. Taraju bounced along in silence. They reached the Outlands. The cheetah finally stopped at the edge of a gorge. Taraju could hear another voice.

"Where's Ghera?" Taraju looked up to see another cheetah growling at his.

"Dead," Taraju's cheetah spat around Taraju.

"What? He is dead and instead of trying to save him you bring this . . . this thing?!"

"Ghera asked me to."

"Fool!" The cheetah slapped Taraju's cheetah in the face. Taraju's cheetah bit down on Taraju in pain, although it was nothing compared to what Taraju felt in having teeth bored through him. Taraju screamed in pain, began to cry. The second cheetah shot Taraju a look of disgust and hit him from the cheetah's mouth, sending Taraju hurtling into the gorge. Taraju heard his cheetah yell "NO!" He hit the ground. Everything went black.

Chapter I: Learning

I woke. I felt pain coursing through my body. Every time I so much as twitched I was overwhelmed by it. Even breathing hurt. _Especially_ breathing. I didn't know how I was supposed to feel, but I knew this wasn't it. I slowly got to my feet, hurting every inch of the way. I looked around. I was in a place with high walls. Really high walls. I wanted something. Words popped into my head. _Food_. _Water_. _Nourishment_. The picture of a carcass came to me. I decided to look for it. I took a step with my right leg and immediately picked it up. Pain had shot through it when I had put weight on it. I looked down at it. It hurt, but it looked fine. I didn't understand. I felt tears come to my eyes, stream down my face. I slowly limped down the path between the two walls, making slow progress with only three legs. Every step jolted the injured leg a little, causing it to sear with pain.

After what seemed like days, but couldn't have been more than hours, I found a path leading up the side of one of the walls. I walked up it, not having seen anything between the walls. I finally came to the top of the wall and looked out. Everything was a reddish orange. I couldn't see anyone as far as I looked. I saw almost no plants. I started walking away from the chasm I had been in, looking for something to moisten my throat. I climbed a hill to see a pool of water at the bottom. I walked tried to walk down to it but slipped. I couldn't keep my balance on something that steep with only three legs. I fell down the hill, my leg killing me all the way, landing in the pool.

The first mistake I made was breathing. All I inhaled was a bunch of water, all going down the wrong pipe. I spluttered, trying to get it out. When I finally stopped coughing, I stuck my head down by the surface and drank, taking as much water as I could with every lick. I could hear it slosh audibly around in my stomach. I looked around, trying to make out things in the darkness that had replaced the light. I saw some of the reeds and their leaves in the water, the first plants I had seen anywhere. I limped over to them and lied down. I grabbed one with my paw and slowly put it in my mouth, taking it piece by piece. I laid my head down, exhausted. I closed my eyes turned over, my leg causing me to yelp in pain. I immediately stopped trying to turn over and put my leg back on the ground. I laid my leg gently down, trying to move it as little as possible. Sleep slowly overtook me.

oOo

The next couple of weeks are a blur. I don't know how long I was sleeping the first time, only that when I woke up it still night. It could have been the same day, the next day, a week from the first day. All I knew was that the hunger and thirst were back. Every time I woke I would always tilt my head to be able to lap up some water, and then took some of the reeds to eat. They didn't taste right. They never did. I would have gotten up and looked for something else, but it hurt too much to move. I just would put my head back down and go to sleep. One time I felt water dripping on me and looked up to see it falling out of the sky. It didn't last long.

Slowly I felt my leg get better. It took a long time before I wanted to move it again. It always hurt so much when I did. I finally did get around to it. It didn't hurt like before. It hurt to touch it too much, so I stopped. I just lied there, waiting until the pain was gone. Slowly I felt the pain everywhere go away. I couldn't measure it day by day, but when I look back on it, I know it went away. I began to feel whole.

One day I decided to just get up. I slowly got to my feet. I tried putting pressure on the bad leg. It held. I took a few steps. It seemed to work fine. I finally left my poolside prison, looking for something new. I didn't know what it was, I just wanted something. I found a carcass that day. It wasn't nearly as full as the picture I had. In fact, it was almost empty. I sniffed it. I licked it. I tore a strip off. It was good. It tasted much better than the reeds. I stripped off all the meat I could find on the carcass. I finally finished with it and moved on. Some days I found one. Others I didn't.

I kept wandering around, just trying to find more carcasses. It wasn't much of a life. No, looking back on it, it wasn't even a life at all; it was just staggering from meal to meal. At least until I found what made the carcasses. I finally found I wasn't the only one stuck in the middle of the entire barren wasteland. I found some hyenas feeding on a kill. I didn't know what they were when I found them; I just hoped I could get some. I walked up to them. One of them heard me and turned around, revealing the carcass. It was beautiful at least to me. Granted, it had already been half eaten, but it was still much more than the last hanging-ons I had gotten before. The one that turned around to me grinned.

"Well, look guys. If it isn't dessert." The other hyenas finally stopped eating, looked up at me.

"Um, hi. Um . . . Could I get some of that?" I asked tentatively.

"Of course. Why don't you come just a little bit closer so we can all get a _good_ look at you?" I walked up to them, sat down. I stuck my head toward the kill and noticed the hyena in front of me looking directly over me. I turned around and ducked, barely missing a faceful of claws. I ran. After about a hundred yards I looked back to see them almost on top of me. I ran all the harder. I didn't know what they meant by it, but I didn't like it.

I finally stopped after what seemed to be a mile and turned around. I could see them walking away from me, back to their kill before someone else would take it. I dropped to the ground, breathing heavily. Amazing what adrenaline can do to you. After that I stayed clear of any animals I saw. It wasn't too hard. No one seemed to even be in this desolate waste.

I grew up, drinking what I could, scavenging off of carcasses I could find. I had finally found that they came from herds of animals; I had seen some hyenas working to take one down. I had also seen a few bigger things doing it as well, but alone. I decided that I would try my paw at it when I grew big enough.

I finally decided to get one. It wasn't a choice really. The hyenas had seen me again, and they had decided to stop feeding me. They had decided to strip every last bit of flesh off that they could from the skeleton, leaving me to starve on the bones. For five flea-bitten days this went on. I couldn't stand the hunger. I had to get an animal, or die trying. I would certainly die if I didn't.

I found a herd of antelope on the sixth day. I looked down at them, salivating. Then it suddenly hit me. _I had no idea what to do_. I thought back to what I had seen the big things doing. They always jumped on an animal and held on to it any way they could, sinking both teeth and claws into the animal. It was all I had to go on. I decided to give it a shot.

I crept over to the herd, trying to stay out of sight. The smaller ones were three times my size. Even the babies were bigger than me. I remembered the things I had seen had always jumped out of nowhere. I tried it. I moved low to the ground, hearing the dirt shift around me. I stepped on a twig hearing a sharp crack in response. Looking back, with all the noise I made, I'm surprised they didn't bolt before I even had a chance to get within a mile of them. I finally got within a hundred feet of the herd and rushed at them. They immediately panicked, all of them going in different directions. I lost track of the one I was trying to kill, and decided that should just grab one. I jumped, hoping to find one to latch on to. I hit one and dug my little claws into it. I was knocked off the side by another antelope. I fell to the ground on my side and had a hoof hit me in the stomach. I rolled several feet, getting hit by several more. Finally they had all disappeared. The blows stopped. I laid my head down, exhausted and filled with pain again, the hunger even more intense now.

I heard pawsteps behind me. I slowly and painfully turned over. I saw two of the big things coming towards me out of the dust that the stampede had kicked up. A word popped into my head. _Lion_.

"So this is the little thing that ruins all our plans." I could see their faces now. Neither one seemed happy. Which was like saying that Scar "failed to meet expectations" as king.

"Well, if we aren't going to eat, the least we can do it get rid of this nuisance," said the one with the black mane.

"Please, no . . ." I managed to get out. I was almost as badly injured as I was when I first woke up. It hurt to talk. But at least all my legs worked.

"And why should we?" growled the one with a red mane.

"I just wanted some food . . . Just give me some food."

"Look, little thorn in my side," said the red one, grabbing my neck, causing my body to cry out in pain when he grabbed it, "we are not the kind of lions you give orders to. We are the kind that you make requests to. _Politely_."

"Dingane," the black one said.

"Why?" I choked out. The lion removed his paw from my throat.

"Why? Why? Do you really have to ask?" the red one said.

"I don't understand." The lion stepped back, looking me over.

"What's your name?"

"Name?"

"What do animals call you when they meet you?"

"You're the first . . . other than some hyenas. They called me dessert."

"Oh, my head," groaned the black one.

"Look, kid, everyone has a name. I'm Dingane, this is Sicwele, and you are . . ."

"In pain?" The red one buried his face in his paw. The black one decided to try.

"Okay, what do you call yourself? You know, when you want to refer to yourself when you're thinking?"

"I."

"He really doesn't have one, does he?"

"Okay, look here nameless," said the red one, "you use names to tell people apart. If you didn't, there would be no way to distinguish between each other."

"But there's only you and me and him and the hyenas to distinguish between, right?"

"Yeah, Dingane, you were right. Let's just kill him." The black one advanced toward me. The red one stuck a foreleg out in front of him.

"Wait a second."

"He's no use to us. You have no sense of value."

"And you have no sense of _vision_. He could get us _in_. You owe me, remember?"

"He's a starved, half-dead runt."

"No vision at all." The red one walked between the black one and me. "Trust me." He turned to look at me. "So you want some food, right?"

"_Yes_."

"We can get you all the food you'll ever need. All you have to do is come with us."

"Come with you where?"

"You know, kid, there's a huge world out there. I've got one place in mind. All you have to do is come with me to that place. After that, you can go wherever you want. But if you don't come with us, you definitely aren't going anywhere in a hurry. You understand me?"

I didn't care. I wanted the food. I struggled to my feet.

"Good." The red one turned to the black one. "How about bringing us down one?"

"Only if you get him straightened out by the time I come back." The black one walked away. The red watched him go for a minute, then turned back to me.

"What do you call him?"

"Huh?"

"When you refer to him in your head, what do you think?"

"He just . . . is."

"Okay, to distinguish him, you call him Sicwele. When you want to talk about him, you call him that. If you want to talk about me, you call me Dingane."

"Oh. Why didn't you just say so?" The re . . . Dingane I mean, made strangling motions in the air with his paws. He took a deep breath and looked back down at me.

"Now what do people say when they want to talk to you, Akasare?"

"I haven't had anyone to talk to."

"Yeah, funny. Now really, what?"

"You're the first animals I've talked to since the hyenas."

Dingane looked at me for a second. He opened his mouth as if to speak, and closed it again. He finally said, "You're not lying?"

"No, I'm standing."

"Oh, gods here we go again." He took a deep breath. "If you are lying, you are saying something that isn't true."

"Why would I do that?"

Dingane opened and closed his mouth several times this time. "Because you don't want someone to know the truth." I opened my mouth. "And don't you dare ask that next question. Just . . . just wait until Sicwele comes back." He looked back toward the direction Sicwele had gone.

I flopped back down onto the ground. It still hurt to talk and breathe, even though it didn't hurt near as much as it did to stand. I saw Dingane look down at me for a second, then he looked back up for Sicwele. After a while I saw his tail stop flickering. I got up slowly and walked around him so I could see better. Sicwele was coming towards us bringing the biggest carcass I had seen in his mouth. He dropped it on the ground.

"I was lucky they didn't get too far. Well?"

"I'm rethinking my values." They both turned to stare at me.

"Um . . . Can I—" I started hesitantly.

"Sure," muttered Sicwele. I launched myself at the carcass, biting off as much as I could get into my mouth. I swallowed, not even bothering to chew. I was lucky I didn't kill myself. If it hadn't been so fresh and had so much blood on it, it never would have eased down my throat.

"So, how did it go?" I heard Sicwele ask.

"It's insane. He knows nothing about nothing. It's like he only knows the bare minimum of _everything_. And what he does seem to know is completely random."

"Strange. And the name?"

"Well, now he knows what they are. And he doesn't have one."

"What'd his mother call him?"

"Damned if I know. I just gave up. You try asking him that. You'll probably end up with 'What's a mother?' for an answer. Look at him go. You'd think he hadn't eaten anything this good."

"Which is scary, considering this is one of the worst of the herd. Found him hanging off the rear. Couldn't keep up." They both stopped for a second. I suppose they were staring at me tearing apart every last bit of that wonderful meal. I didn't notice; I was deliriously happy. "So how do you expect to use him?"

"You know Mpande's soft. He'll want his little brother back no matter what. And having a poor, helpless little lion like him starving in the Outlands will only make him all the softer. I imagine little Akasare over there has a pretty sad tale to tell, too."

"I thought you said he didn't have a name."

"It's something."

"What, 'little idiot'?

"'No-name.'"

"Apt." I leaned back from the carcass, unable to eat any more. I had never actually been _full_. It was an amazing feeling. I smiled, my aches and pains forgotten. I looked up at them. Sicwele was looking at me intently. Dingane was still looking at Sicwele.

"So all we do is we keep him out here, train him up, and he can do it just fine."

"And you're sure you want this?" asked Sicwele.

"How many times are you going to ask me that?"

"Until I don't doubt you anymore."

"I've told you everything."

"I would have let it go if I believed that."

"Well that's you, isn't it?"

"Okay, okay. Well, I still am not going to forget what's in it for me."

"What are you talking about?" I interrupted.

They both looked down at me. "Nothing that concerns you . . . yet," said Sicwele. "Where's your family?"

"I don't have one."

"You know what that _means?_" said Dingane.

"Huh, family? Yeah."

"How do you pick them?" he asked Sicwele. He ignored Dingane.

"How did you get here then?"

"I just woke up, like everyone else. It really hurt."

"You remember your parents?"

"No. I don't really understand what those are anyway."

"Orphan. I can't believe it. Perfect." Sicwele turned to Dingane. "Okay, you were right. Start him."

"It can wait until tomorrow. Let him rest today."

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked. "I don't want to die."

Dingane smiled. "Oh, don't worry. I'll make sure you don't. You're everything I was waiting for. Soon that kingdom will be mine."

I knew what it was, but I asked anyway. "What's a kingdom?"

Dingane took in a deep breath. "Sicwele, turn away. I want no witnesses."

oOo

I found myself changed. It was definitely for the better. I had learned, experience filling in the gaps. I learned what lying was. More importantly, I learned how to do it. All that stops anyone from lying is one little inhibition: _You are not better than anyone else_. Take that away and you can lie. Think that you are better than others and your entire personality will come collapsing down around your furry ears. You can lie, you can backstab, you can take without giving back. I learned this. Proficiently.

The little demon that often takes away that inhibition is simple: pride. Being proud of yourself for things that you should be praised for isn't something bad, but pride has a way of growing past where it should go. I've heard that some have been able to control their pride. The only lion I met like that wasn't long for this world.

So I became proud. And I learned fast what a crutch it was. Become too proud, let it become too much of a part of you, and it will all come crashing down on you. I learned that the hard way one lesson. I had finally figured out what Dingane had in mind for me. I would go with him to Lakeside Pride, wherever that was, and I would kill Mpande. Dingane would help if needed. He was working as hard as he could to make sure that I wouldn't need help.

I grew stronger than I ever had been. Having proper food tends to do that. I was eating _every day_ now. It was great. You really have to have been starving to be able to appreciate getting food at regular intervals. I slowly grew used to eating more. My stomach slowly grew to regular proportions. I loved my new self. I felt strong, I felt powerful. I felt I could do anything.

oOo

I rammed myself as hard as I could into Sicwele, knocking him to the ground. I rolled with him, shifting one leg expertly onto the ground to stop us both, myself on top of Sicwele, him on his back. I raised my paw back to strike a blow across his neck. I stopped in the act and looked over at Dingane.

"Again."

I got off of Sicwele. "I've been doing this all morning. I can't get any better at this." Pride, again. That fateful lesson.

"You heard 'Sare, Sicwele. What do you think?"

"I think we let him try and see how far he gets." Sicwele struggled to his feet.

"Alright. It's your life if he is ready." Sicwele just smiled. "Alright, again, and this time finish it."

I took my position and waited for Sicwele to get ready. He gave me a little nod of the head that said _Go already_. I tackled him, planted my foot, stopped and drew my paw back, claws extended. I swung it down, but Sicwele had it stopped with his leg. He viciously clubbed me across the face with his other paw, knocking me off him. I rolled, finally stopping. I looked up to see him leaping at me. I stood up as quickly as possible, putting my neck right into his open mouth. I felt his body ram into mine, him still clutching my neck. A spasm of pain shot through my neck. I tried to turn to get at him. Sicwele increased the pressure on my neck, bringing me down to my stomach in pain. He finally let go. I stayed on the ground, still in pain. I felt his claws rake my side as he hit me, knocking me a few feet.

"Pathetic." I slowly got to my feet to see Sicwele staring at me somewhat in sympathy. I turned to Dingane, who was looking at me in disgust. "And you thought you were ready," he said. "If that's how you plan to kill Mpande, then you really should just let us kill you now. Speed you on your way." He shook his head. "The only thing you were right about was that we've been at this all morning. I'm hunting lunch." He turned and walked away. "Show him his mistakes," he called back to Sicwele. "I doubt you'll have time to address them all, but try."

Sicwele stared at Dingane's retreating back, then turned back to me. "Alright?"

"I just got the hell beaten out of me physically and verbally. Do you think I'm alright?"

"Did someone's ego get hurt?"

"Just tell me where I went wrong."

"Hey, relax. You just weren't fast enough. Work on it. Besides, you're still barely more than a cub. As for the beating, you were lucky it was me and not Dingane. He'll kill you—and then he'll go to work on you. And that was only a scolding. You haven't even seen him pissed. If I knew half that many ways to insult people, I would probably have been in too many fights to live through."

(I did finally get really chewed out by him one day. He didn't take repeated failure well. It started somewhat along the lines of "You pathetic piece of filth—no, you're not worth that much. You disgusting, useless waste. If you had any sense at all in that pitiful void you call a mind . . ." He kind of carried on after that. Pretty much he described all of my shortcomings, physical, mental, and genetic, in great detail. The amazing thing was he didn't repeat himself once (as far as I could tell) and he never used profanity. He saved those insults for special occasions.)

"Where did you find him anyway?" I was a little surprised I hadn't asked this before.

"He found me. Had an entire group of hyenas on me for my kill. Gods, I hate them. I wouldn't have made it out alive if it wasn't for him. He sees me and rescues me for some reason. I still can't reason out why. What good was I to him?"

"'You lack vision.'"

"I really doubt he saw any use for me."

"He does seem to have it all figured out for everything."

"He has no compassion, so what did he see in rescuing me?"

"Yeah, I noticed that. Why is he always so angry?"

"He's got unroyalitis. You know, the 'Lament, for I will never be king' syndrome."

"Ah. And he wants me to kill Mpande to take over his pride?"

"If Mpande dies, he gets the throne."

"He's a _prince?_"

"You never would have guessed it would you? Not with his bastard-act for an exterior. He's simply passionate about this."

"Well, why do you care about things? You heard him, he told you to let loose. I should be dead."

"I knew he'd be mad if I did kill you. You're still usable; I don't kill what I can use. Besides you're beginning to grow on me. It's scary. No one has ever done that. I don't want to see you hurt."

"You just beat me up."

"Too badly hurt." He smiled. "You've asked me plenty of questions about life, let me ask you one. Why are _you_ still here?"

"Huh?"

"You could leave right now. I'd never say where you went to Dingane; he'd have to search my rotting corpse for the answer. You know the basics of hunting even though you haven't yet, and can protect yourself within reason. Why not leave?"

"But I said I wouldn't."

"And as long as that's your reason, you won't kill Mpande. You need to actually start thinking things through for yourself. I'll give you a hint as to why I think you stay: I think you want to please him. Think about it."

We walked in silence for some time. I did think about it. Everything Sicwele had pointed out was true. _So why do I stay?_

_Well, he did save me, and he said that I was going to come with him or die_.

_That was then, this is now_._ Stop thinking along that line, you've been down it hundreds of times_._ Think _differently. _You admire Dingane_._ You respect him for who he is, for what he can do_.

That was it. Respect. That was all that was keeping me here. I was nothing compared to Dingane, or Sicwele. I wanted to learn from them, be like them. I couldn't stand to be proud when I actually had nothing to be proud of. I wanted to please Dingane, to make him proud of me. When that happened, I knew I could be proud.

"And we were discussing your horrible, horrible fighting skills," said Sicwele, cutting through my thoughts. "Especially how you have no balance whatsoever."

I looked up from the ground (it's strange how that always seems to occupy your vision when you think) and saw Dingane coming over with a carcass. I resumed the charade.

"And how should I improve my balance?"

"Just try not to over-swing unless you're sure you're going to hit your mark. It'll open you wide up, and more likely than not, be the one mistake that kills you."

Dingane dropped the carcass, and we all began to eat. I never forgot that day. I've never had anything but respect for the two of them since. Now, hate was something completely different. You can still respect someone you hate.

oOo

But the thing that really changed me was the first time they put me on hunting duty. You never can seem to capture the same feeling as the first time you do it right, but you can get pretty darn close. Of course Dingane, being the jerk he was, made me do it alone, without help. Looking back, this is one of the traits in him that actually got me where I am today. Push, push, push, until you are beyond where you can go.

One morning they just both come up to me and wake me up. Dingane had just thrashed me the night before (pride creeping up again) and I was sleeping like a cub. I doubt I would have woken up until noon unless they had woken me.

"Just wake him up easy." Sicwele's voice.

"He should have been up an hour ago; I am not going to wake him up easy. I'm tired of waiting." Dingane.

"I told you that you went too hard on hi—"

"I don't want to hear it. Do you think if he's attacked he's going to get a chance to wake up easy?"

"Just don't kill him."

I opened my eyes to look at them. I saw Dingane swinging his paw back to whip across my face. I immediately leapt up at least ten feet away. Motivation is a wonderful thing.

"Wakie, wakie," Dingane growled.

I yawned. Then I looked around for breakfast. "Where's the meat?"

"We're waiting for it."

"You found another lion?" They both stared at me. Realization dawned. "Oh. Oh you're mean. You're just mean-spirited."

"Not getting any less hungry."

"Where are they?" There was no way I could get out of this and I knew it. I just hadn't actually expected them to spring it on me like this.

"Down in that direction. Probably by the lake." There was only one lake that I had seen in the entire Outlands. It made sense that the herd would stay around it.

"Who's going with me?" More staring. "Ohh." I massaged my head with my paw.

"If you don't get going we'll end up eating you," threatened Dingane.

"I'm going, I'm going." I started walking towards the lake. I still had no real idea how to hunt, just how to fight. Supposedly I had learned the basics, but I had seen how far the basics of fighting took me against Dingane. Well, you had to be born before you could walk. I found the herd standing by the lake, grazing on what little grass was nurtured by the water. I kept low, hoping that I wouldn't be seen. I crept towards them. I saw the one I wanted, the biggest juiciest one out there. I felt a slow rush come over me, completely soothing my mind and giving me the most unimaginable sense of power. I rushed my prey, my claws coming out on their own. One thought flooded through my mind.

_Kill_.

I leapt on the antelope, the herd scattering around me. My momentum carried both of us to the ground. I sank my claws into it as deeply as I could, lusting for its blood. I roared with savage pleasure, then sank my teeth into its neck. I threw my head this way and that, feeling its neck break twice. I dropped it from my mouth and saw the herd fleeing.

_Kill_.

I leapt up after them, and jumped one of the ones at the rear. It landed on its back, and I was thrown off it, my claws raking its sides. It tried to get up, but I sank my claws into one of its legs, preventing it from rolling over. I got up, using my paw that was embedded in the antelope for support, digging it deeper into it. I looked at its face, its eyes wild with terror. I smiled at the sight, not knowing why. I sank my teeth into its throat and ripped it out. I let out a long, loud roar of vicious triumph. I resisted the urge to eat the antelope here, to tear it apart. I slowly became myself again.

Suddenly I realized what I had done. It wasn't the act that had shocked me, it was the ecstasy I had felt in doing it. It was the most wonderful feeling I had felt. I felt that nothing in the world could replace it, and now that it was gone I wanted _more_.

I turned and looked at my other kill. Then the stupidity settled in. I had killed two. I could carry one. Which one, which one? I heard pawsteps behind me. I turned to see Dingane and Sicwele walking towards me. Dingane's smile was so big he could have fit the entire antelope in it without bothering to chew. Sicwele was smiling, too, but not nearly as widely. But Sicwele smiling was reward enough. He didn't do it nearly as often as he should have.

"Excellent," said Dingane. "Simply wonderful." I growled with pleasure, remembering the feeling. "You really are a killer." Sicwele walked on to the next carcass. "Maybe we can step it up a bit."

After that we did step it up. I trained with even more ferocity than before, learning every way to fight and kill that I could. Eventually I could match Sicwele, and could almost beat Dingane. I got the feeling that he was always holding back a few tricks. But it didn't matter. I had finally found what I had loved. Killing. Nothing eased my nerves like it. I loved the feel of the neck snapping, of the bones breaking, of the claws tearing through the flesh, and of the wild terror of the animal. I never did recapture the original feeling. I always was left lusting for more. It made me all the better for it.

After months of training I was finally passed as "proficient" by Dingane. Either that or he couldn't wait any longer. It didn't matter, I felt ready. I was strong, I was confident, and I had finally gotten a leash on my pride. No more stupid mistakes. Ever.

Dingane and Sicwele walked alongside me as we headed for Dingane's old pride. They seemed to give me advice the whole way.

"The fact that we're traitors should never enter your mind," said Dingane.

"Otherwise you're wasting our time and Mpande's," advised Sicwele.

"Just don't show any signs that you even know who he is. It'll be obvious, but don't make it seem that way."

"Relax and let us do the talking. Don't speak unless spoken to. Don't mention your past unless he does first."

"And if he does, tell him everything. Be specific, but only for little things. He needs to know as little about you as possible until we want him to know."

"We just can't trust you not to slip. So just listen to us, and if you have to speak, don't take our lead."

"Go in an entirely separate direction. You are a distinct personality. Use it. Sure you are mostly a mixture of Sicwele and me, but you as different from us as night is from day."

"And whatever you do, don't forget: You're a mercenary. You will kill on command and you will like it."

"And don't make any moves that could be threatening to Mpande. You do not repeat _not_ want to have a pride attack you. There is absolutely no way you will get out alive. Frankly, I don't want to be dead until I see his filthy corpse at the seat of my throne."

After that we walked in silence for a bit. We had already been walking some time, but now the landscape was beginning to change. It was amazing to me. All I knew was the ruddy orange of the Outlands. There were hardly any plants anywhere. But here I seemed to see pieces of grass everywhere. Just growing, with no water around them at all. Slowly they spread everywhere. And then I saw trees. Not the dead stumps of wood I had grown up with, but actual living things. I looked everywhere, trying to soak it all in. The grass, the trees, and then a herd of wildebeest. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The animals in the Outlands were all half-starved and would fall over at a moments notice, dead. But these were strong, healthy, meaty wildebeest. Especially meaty. I thought about what a pleasure it would be to eat one.

"Home," I heard Dingane say. "Home, with grass, and trees, and decent, clean _water_."

"Oh, don't get all maudlin on me," replied Sicwele. He turned and looked at me, saw me eying the herd. "No."

"What was that?" I asked absentmindedly.

Sicwele cuffed me hard on the side. "Pay attention. Mpande would kill us if he found us poaching. Wouldn't you with herds like that?" He looked back over at Dingane, who was still looking around. It was disturbing to see him actually moved by something. "Gods, the moment he sees something old or you see something new, you both fall apart." Sicwele sighed. "Okay, which way now?"

Dingane shook his head, clearing it. He was himself again. "Let me think . . . It should be right over those hills. After that we'll have a clear view of the place."

He walked along in silence, while Sicwele resumed coaching me, going over everything. "Remember, you only show compassion when you think it's necessary. If this were ideal, you would show it only to myself or Dingane, and never in public. Just try to make it seem that you'll ease into the pride life, that you don't fit right away. That may actually come pretty easy to you for once. And try to keep the bloodlust under control. We'll see if we can't get you on a hunting detail." He shook his head. "Where did you get it?"

"Probably not you. Maybe Dingane?"

"He only wants Mpande dead. But you . . . It's like you're addicted to it. Crazy."

"What can I say? Neither of you have that half-smile you say I have. Anything else?" We topped the hills. There were two rocks standing out on a green hillside, one helping the other stay up. There was a black space in between them that I couldn't see into. Dingane shifted his course to it.

"Not really. I think we covered most of it. Just remember: no talking, no threatening, and no compassion. At least not too much."

"I think he's pretty well beaten it all out of me."

"Just relax. Remember, if Mpande finds out, we're dead."

After that we walked in silence for almost the rest of the way. The rocks were deceptively small at the distance we had been at. As we walked up to them they grew steadily larger. New animals came into view, ones I had never seen before. Elephants, giraffes, hippopotamuses, monkeys. Everywhere there was green. It was like I had walked into a different world. I didn't really like it. I wanted the barrenness of the Outlands again, just somewhere. Then I saw something that completely caught all of my attention.

They were beautiful. I had never seen a lioness before. All I could do was stare. Gods, they were _wonderful_. I had never seen a female, and gods, did they make me feel. I didn't even know what the feeling was, but it was strong. It only got stronger as we got closer and I could make them out better. They were all sunbathing in a flat, grass-less area right outside the rocks. I let a soft "Ohhh" escape me.

Sicwele heard it and nudged me with his shoulder. I tore my gaze away from them with an effort and looked at him. Not even the faintest hint of a smile was on his face. "No. Absolutely, positively, unconditionally no. You will _not_ make a fool of yourself with them. You may look, but you _will not touch_," he said, spacing the last three words for emphasis. "This is not negotiable." He turned to Dingane, who was looking at me. "We really should have covered this."

"How were we supposed to cover it? Don't pretend like you don't enjoy it."

"He's never _seen_ one. How do you know what he'll do?"

"What were we supposed to do? Now shut up and let me think. And Akasare, don't stare." We walked in silence. When we approached the lionesses, some of them noticed us. They stared at us, their beautiful eyes fixed on us. Two of them got up and went into the cave between the rocks. The others just laid there, their bodies spread out in no particular way on the ground. The two reemerged from the den and lied back down on the ground. Dingane moved ahead of Sicwele and me, placing himself between us, but slightly ahead. One of the lionesses gasped. I looked at her, seeing the shock on her face. I shifted my attention to the den, where someone was coming out.

Mpande was huge. I don't just mean big, I mean _huge_. Biggest lion I ever saw in all my time on this earth. No one in his pride even came close. If there was anyone bigger in the entire world, I never met him. I heard Sicwele curse fluently and quietly beside me as he walked out of the den. I had to agree. He seemed even bigger from the way he measured up to the lioness beside him. Dingane walked right towards him. The lionesses, seeing this, slowly got up and circled around us. I really didn't feel too safe, not with that giant there and them behind me.

"Greetings strangers," Mpande said. His voice was a low rumble. "I am Mpande, ruler of Lakeside Pride, and this is my queen, Haja. What brings you here?"

"I'm back," said Dingane.

"You're back?"

"You're telling me you don't recognize your own brother? Now that hurts, it really does."

"Dingane?" he asked incredulously. His face slowly spread into a smile. "Dingane, is it really you?" He laughed. "We had given you up for dead. It's wonderful to have you back. And who are the two with you?"

"Just some friends I've met along the way. The one on the right is Sicwele."

"We humbly offer our services to protect your pride," said Sicwele.

"And what would your name be?" Mpande asked me. He was still staring at Dingane.

"Akasare," I responded. _He doesn't need to know more than a minimum_.

"So you three are just wanderers?"

"Yes," said Dingane. "Unfortunately, Sicwele can only stay for the night. He has places to go, lions to meet. But Akasare would be honored if you would let him stay with you. He'll offer what he can to protect the pride."

"He doesn't seem like a killer."

"Think of him as more a merc-in-training."

"Of course he can stay. All of you are welcome to stay. Come on in." He turned around and walked on into the den. I followed him after Dingane and Sicwele. Inside there were a few lionesses lying down, some of them obviously having just woken up.

After I looked around the floor of the den I looked up. I couldn't even judge how high the ceiling was, it was so high up. It seemed to have the entire hill hollowed out. Ridges jutted out from the side, just possibly large enough for a lion to sleep on if he didn't move around too much. I heard Mpande's voice again and brought by view back down to the floor. "This is our humble home."

"Just as I left it," said Dingane. He was looking around the ceiling the way I had been. I looked at the lionesses again. Most of them looked just like the ones outside, but one of them was different, wonderfully different. If all the others outside were beautiful, she was radiant. She was staring at me with her dark blue eyes, a slightly puzzled look on her face. Come to think of it, a lot of the lionesses outside had been giving me that look, too. But I had forgotten them in her presence. She moved something in my heart like nothing else had. The thing that really upset me though was I didn't know _why_ any of the lionesses made me feel this way, especially her.

"This is my daughter, Asari," boomed Mpande's voice, cutting through my thoughts. He walked over to the lioness I had been eying and nuzzled her. "You must remember her only as a cub, Dingane."

"Yes, she was quite the little niece."

Mpande stopped nuzzling and stared at the wall. "So, why did you come back anyway?"

"I got tired of living alone. The life I was living was no life at all. I just decided to give it all up and come back."

Mpande finally stopped staring at the wall and turned his extremely light blue eyes to me. "So where did he find you?"

I didn't really know how to answer this. Dingane couldn't have stressed any more how loyal those lionesses were to Mpande, and how even a small threat would make me an outsider to them forever. I answered carefully, "He found me as a starving cub. He found me and gave me some food and . . . helped me . . . from then on."

"Really?" Mpande turned to Sicwele. "And you?"

"He rescued me from attacking hyenas."

"Sounds like you've been busy, Dingane."

"Not too much. And I could have sworn you've grown."

"Well, I wouldn't really know that, now would I?" Mpande said, laughing. Nevertheless, I grew concerned again when Dingane mentioned that. I looked over Mpande's huge body, his paws concealing huge, sharp claws, his muscular form that seemed to bulge out at every possible place. I cleared my throat. Dingane and Sicwele turned to look at me, along with about half the lionesses in the den. Mpande's head stayed where it was.

"Could I talk to you two? Outside?" I asked quietly, so that only they could hear.

"Of course," said Mpande. "Take as much time as you need. Just come back for dinner."

I stared at him, shocked. How had he possibly heard me? Dingane and Sicwele walked out of the cave, Sicwele muttering as he walked by, "This had better be good." I looked back over to Mpande and saw him raise an eyebrow. He was staring at the wall again. I turned and followed them. Dingane had apparently decided that we would be less overheard over the hill. He had already started up it when I walked out. I ran up after him, slowing to keep his pace when I came to his side.

"How do you—" Dingane turned and looked at me, his face clearly saying _shut up_. I did and fell back behind him. He kept walking till he had reached the top of the hill. He walked over and disappeared. I followed him over and stopped dead in my tracks when I reached the top. Suddenly Lakeside Pride didn't seem like such a stupid name after all. There was the biggest lake I had ever seen. It seemed to stretch to fill the entire landscape.

"'Sare." I tore my gaze away and kept walking after Dingane and Sicwele. They were making to a small cave in the ground at the base of the hill. They finally reached it and went inside. Went I went in I found them waiting for me.

"Now what was so important?" growled Sicwele.

"You expect me to kill that monster? He's three times my size!"

"You know that, he doesn't," said Dingane.

"What do you mean he doesn't? He looked right at me."

"I mean he didn't see you."

"Of course he saw me, how could he not? That's the stupidest thing I've heard."

"He literally can't see you. Or me. Or anyone."

"What are you talking about? He knew perfectly well how many we were, he looked right at us, he spoke directly to us. He can see."

"He's blind, 'Sare. His eyes don't work. It's something my family tends to have a lot. I'm lucky my eyes do work."

"How can eyes not work?"

"I don't know. You saw his daughter, that's what his eyes probably would have looked like. But they're covered with film. He literally can see nothing but black, everywhere. He's been like that since birth."

"Gods," I said quietly. "I don't know how I'd suffer through that."

"_He_ isn't suffering. He's been gifted. Everything else has been amplified, his hearing, his smell. He can see as well as you can, possibly better, just by feeling for you. Hell, he can even tell you apart. You saw that. The gods know how he's managed that. And his size. He was big, even as a cub. He's possibly the biggest lion that's lived in the pride. It helps that he's charismatic, too. No lioness has ever refused him, even though he gives the right to every one. Most of them actually ask for him."

"What are you talking about?" Dingane and Sicwele looked at each other, with _oh, here we go_ looks on their faces that they always got when trying to explain something new to me.

"Well, you see, every lion has feelings for lionesses . . ." started Sicwele. Ten minutes and a dawning realization later I had been vividly brought up to speed on the facts of life between the two of them.

"Well, now I know what I want to do with Asari."

"You knew what to do with Asari before you came here, and you do _not_ know anything new _now_. You _will not_ make an idiot of yourself. You _will_ stay away from her." Sicwele said this all in the most insistent fashion. "Besides, he'd know if it was your cub immediately."

"Huh?"

"Remember how they all looked at us funny? That wasn't us. It's you. You have this really messed up coloring, and believe me, your cub will probably have it, too."

"Messed up?"

"Scratch your back leg."

"Excuse me?"

"Just do it." I looked at him for another second and then twisted to gnaw at my leg. "Stop right there. Look. Your tail tuft. It's black."

"And this is earth-shattering because . . ."

"Look at Dingane here. Tan with red. Me, I'm dark with black. But you, you're tan with black. That's just weird."

"Uh-huh," I said, not entirely convinced.

"But your choices in girls. Asari, of all of them."

"She's Mpande's daughter, of all things," said Dingane. "If he knew what you were thinking most likely we'd have to sew you back together for your funeral. Are you _insane?_"

"The thought had entered my mind," I said. "And you're the one who's making me kill a giant. What about your sanity? You're asking me to murder him, and I don't even have a mane yet."

"The two aren't related."

"They are to me."

"Is that the only reason you called us down here?" interrupted Sicwele. "Just to stress to us how impossible this is?"

"Um . . . well, yeah."

"Look, he's one blind lion. You can take him," said Dingane. "Besides, you've got some time. Say, a year."

"A year!?" said Sicwele. "You expect me to wait _a year_ for it?"

"Trust takes time. So does power. You can just wait for it. You're good at that. If anyone should be complaining, it should be me."

"Do you mind telling me—" I started.

"Yes. Now look, Sicwele, all you have to do is wait. I'll get you that rule, just be patient."

"We've been waiting for years already. And you want me to wait even longer?" he demanded.

"How do you think it would look if he killed Mpande now, hmm? Three strangers walk into the kingdom and the next day the king is dead? We need their trust."

"It's easy for you to say. You've got your kingdom in your paws."

"Have I ever given you reason to mistrust me?"

"Have you ever given me reason _to_ trust you?"

"But you still do it anyway."

Sicwele sighed. "Alright. I won't argue that." He got up. "I'm leaving now. Just to make sure I don't do something stupid to you. I'll see you in a few days. If you find me by then." He walked to the mouth of the cave. "Oh, and Dingane? Just remember, even I get tired of waiting." He left.

I turned to Dingane. "What is he going for?"

"I just don't want him in the picture. Just you and me, kid."

"And I didn't know this because?"

"Details are such a pain in the ass to manage. I didn't feel that you needed anything else to worry about besides Mpande. Remember, just a year or two."

"And why didn't I know the time limit either?"

"Like I said: details, who needs 'em? Besides, it's not like you'll never see Sicwele again. I'll be making sure he's working your tail off every few days." Dingane got up and walked to the mouth of the cave. "And besides, think of all the hunting you can get done in between." He walked back towards the den. I smiled. Bringing down those antelope I saw would be a glorious pleasure.


	2. For What Price Power?

Chapter II: For What Price Power?

I finally made my way back to the den when the sun had begun to get red. That had always been the call for dinnertime back home in the Outlands. I didn't see why it would be any different here. I had spent the day looking around, trying to familiarize myself with the new lands. I arrived at the den just when the last lionesses were finishing off their carcasses. I stared at them, looking around for one of my own.

"Sorry, kid, you just missed the last of them." I turned to see Dingane licking a bone clean. "Nothing like home hunting. He looked back up from the bone to me again. "Really, that's it. Sorry about forgetting to tell you. They step it up an hour here for dinner." He tossed the bone away. "Besides, you've missed plenty of meals. What's one more?" I snarled at him. "Okay, fine, be that way. Ask Mpande about it when he gets back. He's missed it, too."

"Where is he?"

"Out spending quality time with his kid."

"Why is he spending time with Asari?"

"What _did_ your parents ever—oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry. And no, not Asari. Shujaa. Oh, yeah, you didn't hear that either," he said at the puzzled look on his face. "Mpande's little protégé. Cute cub." He stretched out on the ground, yawning. "Good food. Good lionesses. Good den. Good everything, really. Hey."

He yawned again and laid his head down. It was almost surprising how easily his charade was going. Maybe part of it wasn't one. I turned to watch a pile of cubs wrestling with each other. Occasionally one would fight his way to the top of the pile, but he would be immediately pushed off by the seething mass underneath him. It was all pretty pointless, in fact. I sat down and watched them, waiting for Mpande. Pointless it may have been, but it was pretty entertaining.

About ten minutes later Mpande showed up. He had with him a little cub that was following him, Mpande's tail in his mouth. I turned away from the fight and looked at them. The cub's eyes never left Mpande's leg, not for anything. Finally Mpande stopped, the little cub bouncing into the back of Mpande's leg.

"We're home, son." The cub dropped Mpande's tail and began to walk towards the den unsteadily, bumping into lionesses along the way. He walked right up to me and stopped, slowly looking upward at my face. He put out a paw and waved it, having it smack into my leg. I could see his light green eyes. Suddenly the realization hit me. _He's blind, too_. I heard a snicker behind me.

I turned to where the cubs had been wrestling and saw that they had stopped, all of them watching little Shujaa. A few of them had their paws over their mouths, trying to hold inside laughter. How it was funny I didn't understand. I looked back down at Shujaa, only to find him gone. I looked around and saw him walking towards the den again. The poor cub was a runt, nothing like his father in that respect at all.

I turned back to Mpande and saw him standing there, watching his son go in. at least that's what I suppose he was doing. All I saw was him standing there. I walked over to him. "Uh, sir?"

"Sire," I heard Dingane lazily correct me. I turned to see him on his back with his paw in the air, one digit extended. He dropped his leg again, assuming the perfect picture of laziness.

"It's quite alright, Dingane," said Mpande. "Yes, what is it?"

"Well . . . I missed dinner, sire. I'm sorry."

"That's quite alright. We usually have the lionesses get one for me anyway, seeing as how I'm not usually home in time for it either. It's probably in the den. Come on in. You can share it."

I followed him in and saw Shujaa nuzzling his mother. Haja looked up from him to us when we came in. "Now who just came in, Shujaa?"

Shujaa stopped nuzzling and went still. Mpande smiled beside me as we kept walking toward Haja and her cub. "Um . . . Dad and . . . Dad and someone else." Haja smiled.

"Well, at least he got the number right."

"Oh, come now Haja," chided Mpande. "You really couldn't have expected him to know who Akasare is after one day."

"Yeah, Mom!" said Shujaa. "Give me a break."

Mpande chuckled. "Alright, where is it?"

"Where's what?" asked Haja.

"You know perfectly well what."

"No, really, what?"

"Akasare is hungry, too."

"Oh, well why didn't you just say so? I'll go get it." She got up and walked to the other side of the den and dragged a carcass over to us. Bigger than any we had ever had in the Outlands. It looked so good. She laid it down between me and Mpande. Shujaa launched himself at it and was caught by Haja.

"Oof! Mom!"

"Ah-ah, ah-ah ah-ah-ah. Guests first." She looked at me.

"No, really, that's not necess . . ." I heard my voice die out as I looked from Haja to Mpande.

"Really. Go ahead," Mpande insisted. I slowly put my head down to the carcass, not taking my eyes off Mpande. I tore off a piece of it and pulled my head back. Mpande smiled. "Cautious, aren't we?"

"No sense in not being," I muttered around the scrap I had taken. I let the taste sink in, slowly chewing. The Outlands had nothing that could even hope to touch this. I finally swallowed. Haja finally raised her paw to let Shujaa through. He leapt on it with all of his paws and began to work at tearing off a piece.

"Now what happened to your other friend . . . Sicwele, was it?" Shujaa's piece finally broke, sending him flying off the carcass. Mpande bent down and tore off a strip.

"He had to leave sooner than expected. He said to give you his thanks for you gracious offer, and hoped that you wouldn't mind him getting dinner on the way out."

"Hmm. Help yourself." I did so. The rest of the meal was in silence, save for the sounds of Shujaa demolishing his pieces. When there was about a quarter of it left I finally leaned back, unable to eat any more. "There still is plenty left. Help yourself."

"I really can't eat any more, sire."

"Beg pardon?"

"This is a feast. I don't know how you and Shujaa manage to finish one by yourself, sire."

"Oh, you poor thing," said Haja. She raised a paw up to my face. I drew back my head, putting my paw up against hers, stopping it cold. The smile vanished from Mpande's face, only to slowly return.

"Sorry—I didn't know—"

"There's no need to apologize," said Mpande. "When you feel like telling us what you've been through, we'll listen. I'm not going to force you. I'll just be sure not to sneak up on you on a dark night."

I lowered my paw. "Thank you for dinner, sire." I got up and walked out of the den. I saw Dingane watching it and sat down next to him.

"Well?" he asked.

"Yeah." We didn't say anything else the rest of the night. We just sat and watched the landscape change and the stars come out, until we finally headed for the den with the rest of the lionesses.

oOo

Everyone's had it. You know, where you wake up in the middle of the night remembering something someone said and thinking _what did he mean by that?_ You just jerk wide awake, like snapping out of a daydream. You just never, and I mean never, want to do it on a ledge that's barely big enough to hold you. In fact, you probably shouldn't even be sleeping on that ledge in the first place.

I, unfortunately, didn't give myself this advice. The floor of the den was pretty well covered with lionesses by the time I got in. I looked around and, not finding a spot, jumped on a rock near a wall, and then to a ledge above it from there. I decided I would figure out how to get off tomorrow.

Anyway, back to that thought. Well, here I am, sleeping peacefully when I jerk awake and fall off the ledge. I probably would have killed the lionesses underneath me if I hadn't caught myself. Still, hanging by your claws on the side of a cave wall isn't exactly an easy thing to do. So I pulled myself up slowly onto the ledge and sat there, catching my breath and looking for a way down. I decided to just jump back onto the rock and work my way through the lionesses to the mouth of the den. Overall, I'd say it took me a good half hour.

I just wanted someplace where I could think and sit. I decided to head over to the lake. I sat down by the water and just stared in. I thought back to what had woken me up. I didn't understand it at all. If cubs came from parents like Dingane and Sicwele had said to me, then where were mine? I didn't remember and at all, just waking up and just _being_. It just was weird. I stared at the surface of the lake, looking at my reflection in it as though the answers might just appear there. Suddenly a head appeared next to mine. I looked up to see Asari sitting next to me. I felt that weird feeling again.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking."

"What's wrong Aka?" I glanced at her. "You don't want me to call you that?"

"No, no, it's fine. I'm just not used to it, that's all."

"What were you thinking about?"

I sighed. "You remember your parents, right?"

"Of course. You just ate dinner with them tonight."

"I don't. I don't remember anything about parents. I've just _been_ my entire life. I don't understand it."

"That's silly. Everyone has parents."

"The first thing I remember is waking up and finding myself in a gorge. That's it."

"You don't remember anything else?"

"What else is there to remember?"

"Well, there's . . . there's when you were a baby."

"I was a cub when I woke up."

"Well, maybe you just don't remember it. Nobody just pops into the world."

"I'll figure it out for myself. Later." I looked up from the lake to her face. "So why did you come out here?"

"I was worried about you." She nuzzled against me, setting my senses on fire. "You seemed so sad earlier. I wanted to help you." She stopped the nuzzling, looking at me. I looked back out over the lake, at the shadow of the den's hill. Suddenly another shadow appeared on top of it, making the hill just a little larger. The new shadow was massive. I wanted to turn around, but knew I shouldn't.

"Thanks." Asari nuzzled against me again. I looked down at her, watching her press herself against me. I sat there, not moving, praying with every fiber of my body that she would just _stop_ before I did something rash. I saw the shadow sit down. Asari didn't even seem to notice that anyone was near. She licked my neck. I finally decided to act. I cleared my throat. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes. "Please."

"Sorry. I don't know what came over me." She stood up and turned toward the hill. She looked back at me. "See you in the morning." I looked back at the shadow and saw it stand up and move back down the hill. I breathed a sigh of relief. I thanked Dingane for the discipline he'd put in me. At least Mpande hadn't seen me do anything too bad. I sat at the lake, staring, and finally went back to the den. I decided against going inside and sprawled out outside the mouth, waiting for sleep to overtake me.

oOo

I was woken up by the sun coming over the trees and staring me right in the eyes. I groaned and turned over to see a set of paws standing in front of me. I looked up at Dingane.

"So, how was the lake last night?"

I groaned again. "You know about that?"

"'Sare, everyone knows about that."

"You're joking."

"Yes, I am," he conceded. "So, why did you do it?"

"I didn't."

"Uh-huh."

"No, really." I got to my feet. "I just went down there to think. She just followed me. I didn't know she was following."

"Right."

"Hey, Mpande saw too, so I obviously didn't do anything too bad. I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"What do you mean Mpande saw?"

"He was sitting right on top of the hill watching us."

Dingane shook his head. "You poor, stupid fool. One day with him and you already think he's all-seeing. That was _me_."

"Huh?"

"Mpande can't see down an entire hillside to see two lions necking."

"One lion. I was just sitting there."

"Okay, okay, I believe you."

"Why are you even up?"

"I thought you'd like to know about the wonderful opportunity you have to endear yourself to Mpande. I know _you_ like it anyway."

"Hunting?" I asked eagerly.

"Applause. Now, you'd better go ask him before the parties are sent out. You're up late."

"It's sunrise. How am I up late?"

"Hey, different place, different protocol. Deal with it." Dingane walked back into the den. A few lionesses spilled out, along with Mpande. I walked over to him.

"Sire?"

"Yes, Akasare?"

"I was wondering if I could help you with the hunting." Mpande raised an eyebrow. "Just wondering."

"We normally just let the lionesses do the hunting."

"I know, sire, but I really would like to help out any way I could. I don't expect to just be able to lie around all day."

"Admirable. Alright, you may join them. Just make sure you do not interfere with their plans."

"Thank you, sire."

"Go on, then." I happily followed the lionesses who had started away from the den. I caught up to them. They all turned to look at me.

"Does Mpande want us back?" asked one of them.

"Uh, no. I'm coming with you."

"A male _hunting?_ Males can't hunt. That's ridiculous," scoffed another.

"Really, I can hunt."

"Give Aka a chance." I heard Asari's voice come from the crowd.

"He'll just get in the way," protested another.

"How about I let you start first, and I'll just clean up afterwards."

"There won't be anything left for you to clean up. We do our job and we do it well," said the first lioness.

"Like Asari said, just give me a chance to prove myself."

"A hunting ground is no place for foolishness."

"I'll just let you work."

"You get in our way, your silly neck gets broken. And most likely not by us. Got it?"

"Don't worry."

They didn't speak to me the rest of the way to the hunting ground, instead talking amongst themselves. When we finally did arrive they suddenly all fell quiet, splitting into groups. I watched some of them go to the right, others to the left.

"You stay here, you stay low, and you do not move until we've started," said the first lioness. She moved off to the left. I crept up to the top of the hill they were going over and lied down in the tall grass, watching. There was a herd of wildebeest just sitting there, grazing. The two groups split into even smaller groups, invisible to the wildebeest from their vantage point, but not to me. I watched as the lionesses slowly surrounded the herd in groups of two, the lionesses spread thinly. Some stopped while others moved to better vantage points. Finally they had all stopped moving.

Then, as if on a signal, they all charged. The wildebeest saw them and began to run wildly in every direction, some of them straight into the waiting jaws of a lioness. One of the two lionesses in every group jumped onto a wildebeest, then had their partner knock it over with another leap. I could feel my blood racing. There was no way I was going to miss this. I leapt up from my spot and sprinted down the hillside.

I saw my wildebeest and ran towards him, knowing he wouldn't notice me in the confusion until it was too late. I darted around a pair taking out another wildebeest and leapt onto mine, trying to use my momentum to knock it over. I almost leapt over it, my claws raking its back as I flew over. I sort of landed on it, my claws getting a good hold. I didn't let go until it had already started to fall. I hit the ground first and rolled away so I wouldn't be hit by the falling body. I leapt up and pounced on it before it could roll all the way over and get back on its feet. I happily tore out its throat, watching the body go limp. Another was running a path that would put him right next to me. I timed it and turned just in time to be able to grab his neck in my jaws. I sank my teeth into his neck, bringing him to the ground. I shook my head viciously, feeling the neck snap. I let go, letting the rush wash over me. I breathed in deeply, inhaling the smell of blood, tasting it in my mouth. The chaos had died down around me, most of the wildebeest managing to escape. I looked around at the lionesses, each of them standing by a kill, most of them paired by one. Several dead wildebeest lay on the ground with no lioness near them. Everyone was looking around to see how they had done. Every lioness had a kill for herself.

"Two kills?" I heard one of the lionesses say. "He got _two_ kills?" I turned to face her.

"No, of course not. I don't know the first thing about hunting, remember?" All of the lionesses were staring at me, amazed. I lied down on my side by my second kill. I grabbed one of its legs in my teeth and rolled over onto my stomach, then stood up, the wildebeest balanced on my back. I saw Asari staring at me.

"Easiest way to lift and carry a heavy animal," I told her. Dingane had taught me that after the first hunt. The other lionesses had started to look away and pick up their own kills in their mouth. I walked over to my first kill and put his neck in my mouth. We all dragged our kills back to the den, me bringing up the rear. When we got close one of the other lionesses ran over from by the den and took the one out of my mouth, dragging it the rest of the way for me. When we arrived at the den I shook my second kill to the ground.

"How did it go?" I turned to see Mpande asking the lead lioness, the one who had insisted that I stay put.

"The same as always," she replied.

"And Akasare?"

She looked toward me, then back at Mpande. "Two kills. I've never seen anything like it."

"Really?" he looked toward me, his face amused. Dingane caught my eye, smiling. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was actually happy for once. After that I hunted every day. No one questioned my abilities again. I got to know the entire pride. I learned who had which strengths, which weaknesses, which personalities. I was gradually accepted in. Most of them began to call me Aka after Asari's example. No one but Dingane ever called me 'Sare. The pride let me grow close to them and earn their trust. Soon it was like I had always grown up there.

But what really interested me was Mpande. I didn't ever fully understand him. I'm pretty sure he knew a lot more about me than he let on, but he never once let me any further into his head than he wanted to let me. What really fascinated me was how he ran his kingdom. I slowly learned about the delicate balance he had achieved between all of the creatures, and how he could shift that balance at will by just taking away something, and letting something new take its place. It was pretty big stuff, and I wasn't really sure I understood it all. At least I had Sicwele to help me.

Oh, right, Sicwele. Well, he had found some place just beyond the borders of Mpande's kingdom to stay. Occasionally—very occasionally—he would venture in and talk to me, make sure I was keeping up with the training. He never walked right up to the den; he would always meet me when I least expected it. Usually when I had gone out to walk on my own and think. I had been doing a lot more of it since I had come here. He would always try to help explain things for me. The thing that he had brought up that really fascinated me—besides the balance—was something he called the Great Kings of the Past. He said that all the great rulers were in the sky, watching us day and night, and that we could see them at night as stars. He really did seem to believe it. I mentioned it to Dingane, who dismissed it immediately as stories to tell cubs at bedtime. I leaned more towards Sicwele on this, though. It gave me hope. I'd take hope over truth any day.

And so time passed. An entire year. I grew up, finally getting my mane and getting a little stronger each day. I knew I would have to do it soon, and I began to have my doubts. Did Mpande really need to die? Should he die? I was unsure to the answers to those two questions. I just fell back on the answer that Sicwele had given me whenever I had asked him about why we did the training a certain way.

"Yours is not to reason why."

oOo

The day came. I woke up early and went down to the lake. I was hot. I had had dreams that night. Some kind of recurring nightmare. Always there was Dingane and Sicwele standing in front of a cave, Sicwele saying all my answers were in there, Dingane denying it. Sometimes it wasn't Sicwele, but Mpande instead, or Asari. It was always Dingane, though. I never did figure out why. Some times I had tried for the cave, others I hadn't. Whenever I did, it all faded away, or I woke up.

I walked to the edge of the water. I took a few drinks. They didn't seem to do anything for my heat. I impatiently threw myself in, immersing myself completely. I came back up for air.

"Drowning yourself isn't going to get you out of this." I turned to see Dingane and Sicwele standing behind me.

"You scared?" asked Sicwele.

"Yes. Very," I said. I dunked my head under again, came back up.

"Good. Makes you wary," said Dingane. "We're going to do it right after lunch. You meet him on the other side of the lake. He's always over there with his cub then. You kill him, then you come on back saying how you were attacked by another pride and Mpande and the kid are dead."

"Does Shujaa really need to die?"

"Of course he does! He'll be king if he isn't dead. There will be only one male fit to lead when the day is over, and you're looking at him."

"Sicwele?" I tried to joke.

"Funny. Just a riot." Dingane turned and went back for the den. "You should probably get out of here Sicwele. Don't want to be seen," he called back.

Sicwele turned away from him and looked back down at me. "You can do it. You'll be fine. You're in top form, you can—"

"No, I can't." I thought what it would be like to be one of those many animals I had hunted. Having my neck broken between those huge teeth of Mpande's . . . My stomach heaved.

"Just remember everything we taught you. Now come on, what's rule number one?"

I took a deep breath. "Kill 'em before they kill you."

"And two?"

"Never leave your head unprotected." Being pounded to the ground by raging claws.

"Three?"

"Never let up, never back down." Having my guts torn out, spraying the ground. I couldn't hold it back. I puked.

"And I think we'll just let four be." I retched again, the visions still flooding my head. "That's good, get it all up. Better now than then."

"I can't do it Sicwele. I'm going to die today. I don't want to die." I groaned, feeling my stomach heave again. I managed to keep it down. Barely.

"No one should ever want to die. And you will _not_ be dying today. If you die, so help me, I'm going to have gone first." He smiled. "I'm not going to just let you go 'Sare. I care too much for you."

"If Dingane heard you say that—"

"Yeah, I know, he'd have both our skins. And hey, look, I can still use you. Even if you get the hell beaten out of you by Mpande, you can still help me with my throne. It's not like I just discard something I can use."

"If Dingane heard you telling me about those plans, he _would_ kill you."

"I imagine you'd have figured it out sooner or later. I just think you ought to know everything."

"Yeah, right, no pressure."

Sicwele smiled again. "I'll be there for you. Dingane will give you something. He always does repay his debts. Hey, if you're lucky, he may even let you have her." I looked up at him sharply. "Dingane told me about it. Now, you'd better hurry. No break in routine, right?" He began to walk towards the boundaries again. I watched him go for a little while, then walked over the hill towards the den. I arrived just in time to see Mpande come out.

"Good morning, Akasare."

"I've told you, sire, you don't need to use my full name. 'Sare or Aka will do."

"I'll start that as soon as you stop saying 'sire' every three words." I smiled sadly, thinking of what would happen to him later that day. Little blind Shujaa stumbled out of the cave, still trying to learn to see as Mpande did. Poor little runt. Mpande spoke again, cutting through my thoughts. "So what's the hunting like today?"

"Hopefully a new record. What, maybe . . . five?"

Mpande chuckled. "Where you picked up that little trait I'll never know. Still, you're the best we've got. I'd hate to lose you in an accident. Be careful." By this time the rest of the hunters had come out. I joined them on the way to the hunting grounds.

"So how many will it be today, Aka?" asked Asari playfully. I had never forgotten that night by the lake, where she had showed me how she felt about me. Or at least how I hoped she felt. She'd slipped a few times over the year, showing me her feelings. I had grown to actually like her. Really like her. I'd grown to have at least some kind of relationship with all of the members of the pride, but this one was different.

"Well, I don't want to brag, but maybe . . . what, six?" She laughed, several others joining in. It was Asari's first hunt as lead lioness. It didn't seem right, letting a lioness lead who had made so few kills. We were all a little on edge. Laughing felt good.

"Okay, we'll have five sit out this time. Now, I don't think you'll end up with more than three." The lionesses looked back at me.

"Don't worry. I guarantee that today I shatter that record." After my first hunt the hunters had started to let lionesses sit out and pick up my kills after I had dropped them. First they had just brought an extra along to help me with the extra one, but when I started hitting three consistently they just had a pair sit out. So far the best I had done was four. It didn't matter to me that it was going to be near impossible to actually take six. I had plenty of emotion on my chest, and I needed to let it all out. I couldn't afford hesitation when I faced Mpande.

We arrived at the hunting grounds. This time the extras stayed at the hill and I circled with the lionesses. It was the same group today that had been with me on my first hunt. They were the best we had. I had been right to be impressed by the way they perfectly coordinated their attack. Truth be told, Asari really didn't belong here. Only the fact that she was the princess allowed her a spot. I silently took my place in the ring, counting off from one hundred from the time we left the hill. If you weren't in your spot by zero, then the hunt started without you. Most of the other parties started from three hundred. We started from one hundred and were ready by thirty.

I may have rushed the count. I'll never really know. All I know was that I was the first out of the grass. Just when the wildebeest had spotted the lionesses I was leaping on one. I tackled it to the ground and tore out its throat with one clawed motion. I continued, barely even stopping to check the wildebeest's movement. I tore my way through the herd, soaking up the wonderful chaos and bloodshed. I tore through one after another, slicing the legs of one, breaking the neck of another, snapping the neck of yet another with a pounce. I tore out another's chest, then managed to bring down one last young one who was running away by leaping on him, breaking his legs under my extra weight. I bit into his neck, breaking it without even having to shake it. Gods, I loved hunting.

The extras came down from the hill, staring at me in disbelief. "Aka, how many?" called out Asari. I looked behind me, totaling the bodies.

"Uh, seven!" She stared in disbelief, the others turning away from their kills to look at me.

"Seven?!" several of them cried out in disbelief. I ran through the kills in my head.

"Yeah." I realized that I was going to have to carry two again. I picked up the second to last one onto my back, then the young one in my mouth. The extra lionesses got my other kills, the rest picking up their own. I watched them picking up my kills, thinking through the past few minutes. I couldn't believe what I'd done. And all by reflex, too. I headed back, bringing up the rear with Asari, walking by her side. I thought back through the kills, still not believing it myself. I was snapped out of my reverie by a feeling on my tail. I looked back to see Asari's tail circling around mine. I stopped, looking at her. She stopped as well, and dropped her kill and nuzzled up against my neck.

"Look who's the big hunter." She purred seductively. "How about we just get rid of these at the den and go somewhere?"

I dropped my kill out of my mouth. "Your father would kill me."

"My father has just been waiting for you to ask." She nuzzled me again, purring. I really

\didn't want to deny myself this.

"Ask me tomorrow. I'll be too tired to hunt tomorrow morning." I picked up my kill and continued to walk towards the den. If she had just asked any other day . . . I felt her come up close to my side, wrapping her tail as far over my back as she could around the carcass. I wrapped mine around hers, giving myself at least this small pleasure. We walked the rest of the way to the hill overlooking the den this way, having her rub against me. When we could see the den I pulled away. The last thing I needed was for Dingane to see that. I saw her look at me, her expression puzzled and slightly hurt. I nodded toward the den. She smiled. At least she understood.

When we arrived the lionesses were already talking excitedly about the hunt. I dropped my kills and looked up to see Mpande coming towards me. "Seven?"

"Seven. I didn't know I had it in me."

"We rarely do." He walked past me, taking a carcass. Asari took one the other and went into the den, staring at me for a while as she walked.

"Hey, seven?" I turned to see Dingane walking over to me. "Lucky number seven. Good stuff out there."

"Thanks," I replied. I took a carcass into the den myself and sat down opposite Asari, eating. I could actually finish off a whole one now. We ate in silence, occasionally looking at each other. When she finished all she could of hers she got up and walked toward the mouth of the den. I turned, following her beautiful body with my eyes. She gave me one last hopeful look. _Tomorrow_, I mouthed. She smiled and continued on her way out of the den. I finished my carcass and lied down to sleep.

oOo

I was awakened by a poking between the shoulder blades. I looked up and saw Dingane standing over me, frowning. I groaned.

"Just two more minutes."

He jabbed me again. "You shift your black and white backside _now_." Again with the jabbing. I slowly got up. "Have you eaten?"

"I had plenty for breakfast."

"Answer the question."

"Not since breakfast."

"Good. You'll be sharp." He started to walk out of the cave, then turned impatiently to see if I was following. When he saw me getting to my paws he turned again and walked out. I followed him out of the cave, and walked with him out towards the lake, but not before Asari had seen us.

"Hey Aka, what about lunch?"

"I'll get it when I get back. I want to see your father." She smiled, obviously mistaking me. I turned away, unable to look at her face. Dingane and I walked in silence. We reached the lake, started to walk around. I remembered my first night here, how Asari had tried to comfort me. I remembered how I thought it was Mpande watching. He had just let me stroll in and take up residence in his den.

"Second thoughts?" I turned to see Dingane looking at me. I realized he had been studying me the whole time. I must have been frowning.

"Yes."

He stopped. "Throw them in the lake right now, or you will not be walking back. I mean it."

I continued walking. "I'm fine." I couldn't just throw away years of training for one little regret.

"As fine as you'll ever be." He started walking again.

"And that means?"

"You're nuts. You've always been crazy. That's why you can do this."

"I am perfectly sane."

"Granted. It's just that fanatic bloodlust you have. Only known one lion like that. Lioness, actually. This is really a whacked-out chick. Got it over her mate dying. Hell, she didn't even treat her cubs as if they were her own. Did nothing to stop the big brother from beating up on the little one. Guess it all worked out, though. Little brother ends up being chosen to be king. Big brother never could live that down. Wonder what happened to 'em."

"Talkative, aren't we? Nervous, maybe?"

"You'll be fine. Just try to keep that idiot compassion you have at bay. Three things I'll never understand about you: that compassion, that bloodlust, and that cockeyed smile."

"You never could understand compassion."

"And I'm all the better for it." He smiled. "After all these years, I'm here. Finally, really, truly on the edge of it. And what did compassion ever do for me?"

After that we walked in silence, until we could see Mpande's hulking form in the distance.

"Damn it, where is he?"

"He'll be here," I said confidently.

"He is here." We both turned to see Sicwele raise himself up out of the grass. "Knock him dead 'Sare. Seriously. Just save the cub for later." He paused looking at me. "And be careful."

"Now go on, kid," said Dingane impatiently. "Make him suffer."

I turned and walked towards Mpande. He had his back turned to me, and was walking away from me with his son. Shujaa had gotten over needing his father's tail long ago, but he still stayed very close to him. I finally got close enough to hear them talking. I had never heard them out here. As far as I know, no one had.

"But Dad, I hardly even know her. We barely talk, I hardly see her. I doubt she notices me. I don't even know if she likes me." I began to tense myself. _Kill him now_ my instincts screamed. But another part of me said no. It wasn't right to do it this way. Let him know. Give him a chance.

"Of course she notices you. You are the prince; how can she not? Has she even told you how she feels about you? Given any way to let you know?"

"Well, no, but—"

"Then how can you judge her?" It was wrong. I couldn't do it this way. It was _wrong_, on so many levels. Confront him, don't sneak up on him and kill him. He opened his home for you. Respect him.

"Well I . . ." Shujaa's voice trailed off.

"Knowing who a person may be an important trait for a king. Your blindness gives you insight into your subjects' hearts far more than normal lions enjoy. You may see it as a curse, but it gives you so many blessings in return. The ability to know a person is something I would rather have than my sight any day. You listen to their every word, feel for their every motion, for it is the only thing you can do. You do not live in the blackness that we see, but in a far more enlightened world. But this isn't enough. To judge a person, you must truly study them first. Wouldn't you agree, Akasare?"

I took a deep breath and watched little Shujaa stiffen in surprise. "Yes, sire. How long have you seen I was here?"

Mpande gave a small _hmph_ of laughter. "I have 'seen' you for some time. Is there a specific reason you are here?"

I wanted to know before I did it. "Sire, what do you see when you study me?"

He thought for a moment. "At first I saw a poor cub, brought up in loneliness. He still remains there. But now I see that he has learned more than just loneliness. He has learned companionship, and greed, and passion. He is slowly losing his innocence, but that cub in him still retains it. He is good, and he keeps the lion from devouring your soul. The cub holds onto you, protects you. He is still there."

We walked in silence, me going over his words in my head. Mpande finally stopped and drank from the lake. Shujaa drank as well. I refused, simply thinking. The words I had stored away. My thoughts now wandered to Mpande. I thought of him, not only a giant in life, but a giant to his pride. I was here to defeat him. I looked him over, seeing his muscles bulge out from underneath his coat; his huge paws that left imprints in even the hardest dirt and undoubtedly concealed claws to match; his gigantic mouth, so large it seemed it could swallow the world. I wondered how I could actually do this. I talked before I could stop myself.

"Sire."

Mpande stopped drinking, turned to face me. "Yes?"

"I'm going to fight you."

"Fight me? Why?"

The only thought that I could think of for killing him popped into my head. "For the pride. I want to lead the pride."

Mpande hung his head and sighed. "I hoped it would not happen."

"Sire?"

"You are not the first. You are the sixth. Various lions, various reasons, all of them wanting me." He looked up at me. "I do not want to fight you, 'Sare."

The name shocked me. Only Dingane and Sicwele ever called me 'Sare. "You must."

"Why should he?" It was Shujaa.

"Stay out of this. It will be explained to you later. Go to the acacia," said Mpande sternly. He turned his head to a tree a short distance away. He turned back to me after Shujaa had gone. His face softened, pleading. "'Sare . . . please. I don't want to have it happen to you, too."

"You must, Mpande."

He gave a sigh. "Very well. Come."

I stared at him uncertain of what to do. I walked toward him, and flung back a paw to strike him. I brought it forward, having it meet his raised leg. I stared into his face.

"You have a choice," he said. Somehow his offer made me furious. I felt that he shouldn't show me his compassion. I didn't _need_ his compassion. I brought back my leg, then swung it forward again, as hard as I could. His leg gave about an inch before he pushed it back, knocking my leg away. He whacked the side of my head with his other paw, his claws tearing into my face. I staggered back, then attacked with renewed vigor, wanting to kill with every fiber of my body. I reared up on my legs, bringing down two blows on his head. He roared in pain as my claws tore through his face. I took advantage of this and dealt him an uppercut across his neck, bringing him to the ground. I slashed him across the side, trying to cut as deeply as I could. He roared again, rolling to his feet and tearing my claws out of his body as he did so. He threw me a blow. I dodged it and straightened up, only to have him leap at me. He hit my body, knocking me to the ground. He slashed me up my side, drawing a roar from my throat. He dug his claws in one of his hind legs into my stomach, slowly deepening the gashes. He put a paw to my throat.

"I don't have to kill you, 'Sare. We can both go home from this alive."

I hated him for his kindness. I forced my head up feeling him lean back and forcing the claws in my stomach deeper. "Weakness!" I spat at him.

He forced his paw back into my throat, harder this time. "_Mercy!_" he roared. "I could kill you, right here."

"Dad!" Mpande's ears perked up. I turned my head to see Sicwele charging at us. He slashed at Shujaa, lifting him a few feet into the air before he hit the ground again. He didn't get up. Sicwele continued to run without a pause, tackling Mpande. He knocked Mpande off me, both of them rolling. Mpande finally came to a stop, throwing off Sicwele. Sicwele flew into the air, then hit the ground with a thud. By this time I had gotten to my feet, fighting off the pain I felt in my gut. Sicwele was shaking his head, trying to clear it.

"'Sare, kill him now," said Sicwele.

Mpande turned to me angrily. "_Cowardly murderer!_" he roared he charged at me. He raised back a paw, me raising one to stop him. He brought his down, whacking into mine as if it wasn't there. He hit my face, knocking me to the ground. I felt him sink his teeth into my side. I roared in pain, arching my back. He released me, then bit again, in my stomach. I screamed. I was blinded by the pain. I felt him club me in the side, his claws raking my body as his blow picked me up and moved me a foot. I cried out in pain on the impact. I felt Mpande rain down blow after blow on my body, pain shooting throughout my body. I stopped moving, not even trying to fight back. I couldn't handle the pain.

Finally the blows stopped. I opened one eye the small sliver the pain allowed. I saw Sicwele trying to beat Mpande back. Mpande knocked him to the ground, then sunk his teeth into Sicwele's hind leg. Mpande shook his head viciously, Sicwele roaring in pain as Mpande's teeth tore through his muscles. Then Mpande was tackled by another lion, both of them falling onto me, then over me. I closed my eyes with the burning it sent through my body. I heard angry roars coming from behind me, having them muted by the pain. I finally heard an earthshaking roar, cutting through all the pain, then silence. A few seconds later I heard a thud, then heavy breathing. I heard pawsteps behind me.

"I can't believe it." Sicwele.

"He's dead." Dingane's voice, much closer, as if he was standing over me.

"I don't believe it. I promised him . . ."

"He was expendable. We both knew that."

"It doesn't help the pain any."

"Too bad for him. . . . You're not crying, are you?"

"Unless my tears are blood, no."

"Alright, let's see what we can do with that leg of yours. Up you go." I heard Sicwele yelp in pain behind me. "Alright, that's good. Try walking."

"Yeah," I heard Sicwele say, followed by a sharp gasp. "Yeah it's—it's fine."

"Just try to let it heal. Remember, come back in a week. See you then." I saw Dingane walking away through the small sliver that I was able to open my eye into.

"Goodbye 'Sare." I heard Sicwele say.

_No! This can't happen!_ I tried to move. Pain overwhelmed my body at the first inch. Darkness overcame me.

_Asari_ . . .

"_He's expendable_."


	3. Long Live the Kings

Chapter III: Long Live the Kings

I felt a searing pain in my hind leg. I opened my eyes and rolled over as quickly as I could, lashing out with my other hind leg, whacking a large hyena who had bitten into my leg across the face. She let go, then ran away, only stopping to pick up Shujaa as she ran. Poor cub. Deserved better than that.

I laid my head back down with a groan and closed my eyes to block out the sunlight. The pain was less, much less. The gods knew how long I had been out. I opened my eyes again to reveal the sun in an entirely different position. I groaned. I had been out again for hours, maybe even days, and all I felt I had gotten was a few seconds rest. I tried standing. Hurt, but at least I could do it. I looked around and saw Mpande's beaten body on the ground. Numerous slashes covered his entire body, several running up and down his entire face. His muscular formed seemed to have lost that radiant glow he had always had. He really was gone.

I wasn't.

"_He's expendable_."

I began to limp away from the den. Dingane was going to have a lovely hell of a time when I was ready.

oOo

I limped away from the den, hoping to find Sicwele. He at least seemed to care about me. I wasn't sure if I could find him. It was always a "don't see me, I'll see you" basis with him. As far as I knew, he could already be back at the den. I didn't know how long I had been out. I finally collapsed by a pond in the shade of a tree. I had given up.

"Akasare?" I turned to see Sicwele behind me. "'Sare, is that really you?" He took a few steps toward me. I noticed that he had a horrible limp in the leg Mpande had bitten. I could still see the bite marks. "I don't believe it." He paused, looking at me. "You aren't a ghost, are you?"

"I thought you didn't believe in ghosts." I slowly and painfully got up. It still hurt horribly to move.

"I watched you die."

"You left me for dead." He was in pretty bad shape, but probably not as bad as me.

"I didn't want to. Dingane said to. I guess that's what we get for not checking the corpse." He paused. "So, not a ghost?"

"I'm feeling too much pain to be dead." I turned and began to drink from the lake.

"I wonder what Dingane will say." I turned angrily.

"He won't say anything. He won't even know I'm alive if you know what's good for you."

"Okay, calm down. Someone in your condition shouldn't indulge in rage." I went back to drinking. "Why not?"

"I'm just going to catch him when he least expects it. I'll show him expendable."

"He's running this kingdom now. He'll find you soon enough. How long do you expect to wait?"

"As long as it takes. Besides, you know how to sneak. That can just be my training now."

"For the record, I think this is a bad idea."

"You'll get used to it. Just remember, he can't see you either."

"I've got a kingdom to take over."

"It'll have to wait." He came over to me angrily.

"And what makes you think you can be giving orders?"

I looked him square in the face. "I'm dead, remember? Show respect for the deceased." I went back to drinking. He went back to the shade and lied down, slowly and fluently cursing.

"Fine," he finally said. "Just not too long."

oOo

I stayed out there for a year and a half. Sicwele taught me pretty well how to stay unnoticed. I watched the pride as closely as I dared while still keeping out of Dingane's view. You've seen it when a lioness has lost her mate, how she just carries on as if he's just gone down to the watering hole. That's the way the lionesses here acted. They sent out the hunts right on time, with no change in the pace at all.

I waited and finally decided to send Sicwele back to Dingane, with an oath that he would not tell him about my survival. I wondered what Dingane would think when he found the one-week limit had been changed into a year and a half, but it didn't bother me. Sicwele would just explain that away. It was difficult living out there with two lions instead of Sicwele by himself. We had to go on barely any food to avoid a noticeable drop in the herds. I was almost starving by the time I decided we should go back. I approached the den the long way a few hours after Sicwele had gone, taking the time to go all the way around before approaching it from the front side opposite the lake.

As I came up the slope I saw all of the lionesses in a semi-circle around Dingane. I thought he was giving some kind of speech about the "new order" he had placed upon the pride as an "attempt to measure up to my dear, beloved brother's greatness." I had noticed that he tended to wax eloquent when it came to that kind of thing. I finally got close enough to hear the words. They filled me to the brim—no, they made me _overflow_ with anger.

"We cannot allow Mpande's death to go without revenge! Not only him, but Akasare, and poor Shujaa as well! They gave their lives for him, fighting valiantly to overcome the murderers." So he was sticking to the whole "another pride attacked and killed Mpande" story. "While only I and Sicwele were the only survivors, we still wish deeply we were among the dead, for this loss is far too great." _LIAR!_ I picked up my pace. "I know you all feel the same sense of loss. And for this loss, we should show them that we will _not_ tolerate this act of—" He stopped in mid-sentence, finally noticing me as I reached the outer edge of the lionesses.

"Stand aside," I said roughly to one of them blocking my way. She turned and let out a gasp. When she wouldn't move, I pushed her aside with one paw. "Move it. Dead lion walking." Others heard my voice and turned, shocked, but they stepped out of the way for me, clearing a path to Dingane. I continued to walk toward him, him staring at me like a ghost. For good reason.

"Oh gods," he finally breathed. "What—are you?"

I walked up to his face. "Pissed." I saw fear in his eyes.

"You're dead. I watched you die."

I sat back, letting out a breath. He just really didn't get it, did he? I looked back up at him, furious. I whipped a set of claws across his face, knocking him to the ground. "IS THAT LIVE ENOUGH FOR YOU?" I roared. I walked over his body and into the den, seeing him stare at me in disbelief. I just ignored him, going into the den for food. I hadn't eaten all today.

I found Sicwele in the den. He was lying down on his side, the hind leg Mpande had bitten spread out abnormally. It had healed while we were waiting, but not so that he would be doing any running any time ever. He looked up when I came in and smiled. "You're okay," he said in relief. "You took longer than I thought."

"Since when have you been so emotional?" I asked him.

"You're like that little brother I've never had 'Sare. I've told you. You're the only one who's ever made me feel anything. I love you for it."

"Okay." I said. "You can't understand my bloodlust, I can't understand your emotions. We're even."

Sicwele laughed. "You want something? I was just about to start." He stepped aside, letting me see a fat carcass on the ground. My mouth dropped open in longing, and my stomach protested all the more.

"That is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." I barely noticed Sicwele's odd look at my remark as I fell upon the carcass, tearing bit after bit off it, not even bothering to chew before swallowing.

"You're going to—" started Sicwele, then gave up. He just shook his head and stared at me. The noise outside the den had grown to a buzz when I had first seen Sicwele. It had continued to grow, but now it stayed steady at a dull roar. I finished off the last of the carcass, then noticed Sicwele staring at me.

"Oh, sorry," I said. "Forgot you wanted some."

"It won't kill me to miss a meal. It actually may have killed you. I've been here long enough to get a decent meal—" He broke off and turned, hearing Dingane come in.

"We all thought you were dead," said Dingane. "You never even moved when the pride went to see your bodies. How are you—"

I pushed myself up and walked angrily over to him. "Give me one good reason—_just one_—why I shouldn't kill you _right there_."

Dingane looked over my shoulder at Sicwele. "I think he's angry." I whipped my paw up to hit him again, but he blocked it this time, and easily pushed it away and knocked me to the ground with his other paw. "Okay, I'll give you two: One, I would undoubtedly have to kill you if you tried, and you're too weak to even think about fighting."

"I'd give it a damn good shot," I responded angrily from the floor.

"Two," continued Dingane, ignoring me, "Sicwele still needs your help for _his_ throne. You've only paid back me, not him, so don't think you're done."

"I'd do it for him anyway. I wasn't _expendable_ to him."

"You _are_ expendable."

"You stupid son of a _bitch!_" I pushed myself off the floor and leapt up at him, only to be knocked down by a blow to the back of my head. Everything went black. Again.

oOo

I woke up to Sicwele poking the side of my face. "'Sare, you okay?"

I groaned and struggled to my feet. "I think so."

"Sorry about that. Dingane would have ripped you to shreds. He's outside talking with the lionesses."

I shook my head, trying to clear it. "I don't think you ever hit me this hard in training." The shaking only made the headache worse. "Outside talking to the lionesses, huh? How's Asari taking this?"

Sicwele looked uncomfortable. "Well . . . she's gone."

I looked up sharply. "He _killed_—"

"No no no, no, no," said Sicwele hurriedly. He sighed, then continued. "Mpande ruled a huge pride. It's much bigger than any normal ones. Huge compared to my old one. Most only have around thirty; well here they have fifty. Dingane said that there were too many in the pride. Someone had to go. He picked Asari."

"When did he—"

"Yesterday. She's not in the boundaries any more. Dingane threatened her with death if she came back."

"She's in the Outlands?"

"She went the other way. She's probably just outside the boundaries, picking off whatever food she can." I thought of her miserable skills as a huntress and felt awful. She was as good as dead. "I've got one last job before we move on to my pride."

I looked him in the eyes, seeing them say the last thing I wanted. "You can't. You won't."

"I have to. If I don't, Dingane will have my life next. I can't protect myself against him anymore. If I don't do it, it'll be your job."

"He has no right to play god with her life!"

"I leave tonight. I don't know how long it will take."

"Just do me one favor and kill her quickly."

"I'll do what I can." He got up and limped out of the den. I watched him go, seeing him turn and limp toward the lake. I dropped my head to the ground, filled with regret. _Asari_ . . .

oOo

I woke up early the next day. I had barely slept that night. The lionesses had asked me so many questions the night before. I told them what Dingane had told me to say, that we had been attacked by another pride. I didn't really have a choice. If they found out I had helped kill Mpande, I had just signed my death warrant.

I walked out to the lake, thinking again of the first night I had been here with Asari. I remembered how Dingane had stood between me and her with just a shadow. Now he was having her killed, all for being Mpande's daughter. I hated him.

"You should be resting." It was Dingane. I turned and snarled at him. "Is that really how you treat your king?"

"It's how I treat a murderer." Suddenly I didn't care what he did to me. I was going to stop Asari's death even if it killed me. "I'm leaving."

"No, you're not."

"Just try to stop me, and so help me, I swear, it'll be the last thing one of us does."

He smiled. There was no humor in it. "Alright. Go ahead. You'll be back." He turned back to the den. I ran towards the boundaries Sicwele had indicated. I had to stop him. She mattered too much to me.

oOo

I found Sicwele the next day. He was crouched down in the tall grass on the top of a hill, well hidden to anything below. I walked over to his side. He planted his claws in my shoulder and dragged me down to the ground.

"Hey, what's the—" I started.

"Shh." He gestured with his head to the savannah below. Asari trudged along it, looking tired and dejected. "Almost no food from what I've seen. Three days with no food, if she's been like this the whole time. It's almost enough to make me start to fell sorry for her. Hyenas keep getting her kills. Gods, I hate those little beasts. They're uncivilized, they've no manners at all, and they eat like—well like you that night you came back. Disgusting. And to think, half the food we got out here was actually from them." He turned and looked at me. "Dingane's going to be furious when he finds you gone."

"I made him see reason."

"I can't really say I'm surprised to see you here."

"Why?"

"Well, you love her, and from the one experience I've had with love, you are willing to do anything."

"Damn right I am. So don't do it."

"I'm going to talk to her tonight. Just to see her. I never actually have, you know. Just that one time two and a half years ago."

"You're going to kill her tonight, aren't you? Look, just let me run away with her. You'll never see her again, I promise."

"'Sare, I'm not going to kill her." He paused, thinking. "Look, if I have to do anything, I'll just leave her wounded. You can decide what to do after that. You can have the honors."

In Sicwele's world, that lifeline almost amounted to an entire kingdom. "Thank you."

"Yeah. Well, I'm starting now."

"What are you going to do?"

"She's hungry. I'll feed her, of course." Sometimes, he seemed almost humane.

oOo

We stayed there until night had fallen. Sicwele was certain Asari would come back here. She hadn't strayed out of the general area the entire time she had been exiled. Asari was desperate. A cheetah had killed a gazelle on the top of a smaller hill, and was just about to start the feast. I watched her charge the cheetah, all for the purpose of getting its kill. She succeeded in scaring it off, and began to dig into the carcass it left. From our hill we could see hyenas charging toward her.

"That's my cue," said Sicwele. "Now just stay low so she doesn't see you at all. You don't, you'll never see her again." I crouched low to the ground, the high grass obscuring me completely. Asari finally heard the hyenas. She tore off one last piece of meat and ran. The hyenas raced toward the kill. Sicwele drew in a huge breath. The hyenas had just reached the kill and started to eat when Sicwele let out an earth-shattering roar. The hyenas looked up at him then ran off as fast as they could.

"Nice," I said.

"Thanks," he responded, already heading down the hill. He reached the kill, and started eating. I saw Asari start back toward the kill. I saw her finally open her mouth when she was about forty feet from Sicwele. He straightened up and looked around to her. He responded, me being unable to hear either of them. Asari walked around to his front. They exchanged a few more words, then Sicwele stepped back from the carcass and sat down again while Asari dug into the carcass greedily. Sicwele said something, and she slowed down. He sat there watching her until she finished eating. She straightened up, and they talked some more. Then Asari did the last thing I wanted and expected her to do. She walked over to Sicwele and lied down beside him, rubbed against him.

_No. This isn't happening_.

I watched Sicwele drape his leg over her shoulders. He pulled her close and gave her a lick on her face, then whispered into her ear. She talked to him and he talked back. A few sentences, and then he gave her another kiss. I watched her close her eyes, then lean over to passionately lick his neck.

_NO!_

Sicwele continued to lick her, and after a few more licks on his neck she gave up, surrendering to him. He continued to lick her, and slowly edged her onto her side, where he licked her neck and chest. She had her eyes closed in ecstasy. I watched helplessly as she slowly turned back over onto her stomach and whispered something to Sicwele. I saw him smile, then gently caress her flanks. He gave her a passionate lick on the neck, and I watched her shudder. I turned away, unable to watch further.

_I loved you_ . . .

I had loved her, and this is how she repaid me. I walked down the other side of the hill, thinking sadly of all the times she had spent with me. Of all the lies she had spent with me. I had been nothing more than a quick fix for her, just another lion. I hated myself for being the fool I was. I felt my love for Asari turn to hate, and was glad she was going to die. Then I remembered: I was going to have the pleasure of killing her. That suited me just fine.

oOo

The next morning I went back to the hill. I saw Sicwele staring at the bottom of his hill. I looked there too, and saw Asari moving toward a group of zebras. I sat down, waiting for her inept nature to show itself. Sure enough, she failed horribly. She paid attention only to her mark. She didn't notice a charging zebra until it was too late. She was trampled, and lay on the ground in agony as the herd walked away. I smiled, watching Sicwele go to her. I saw her appeal to him, and saw her caustically deny her. He limped away from her, towards me. I saw her attempt to get up. As soon as she put pressure on her leg, she screamed and fell to the ground, knocked out by the pain. Sicwele kept limping towards me. He finally reached me.

"She's all yours." He paused. "She asked me to say goodbye. I thought she'd rather see you say hello." He paused again. "I don't think you really want her. I—"

"I saw last night."

"Oh." He looked away, waiting for me to begin to berate him for what he had done.

"Thank you." He looked up, surprised. "I never would have known if it weren't for you."

"What are you going to do?"

"Kill her. In the worst way I can think of."

"Which is . . .?"

"I don't know yet. That's Dingane's department. It doesn't matter. I've got all the time in the world. She isn't going anywhere."

oOo

I was wrong about that. She finally woke at the beginning of the night. She started to drag herself up the hill where she had slept with Sicwele. I watched her struggle every inch of the way. By morning she had finally made it. I saw two hyenas walking towards the hill, no doubt heading for the zebra herd they thought to be there. I recognized one of them as the one who had tried to eat me when it thought I was dead.

They walked up the side of the hill, then stopped, smelling Asari. They debated a few minutes, then walked up the rest of the way slowly. Asari didn't seem to notice them. Her head was down, her eyes were closed. The male reached out and grabbed Asari's injured leg. She roared, and jerked her head up. The female that had tried to eat me said something. Asari responded, and the male leaned over her, speaking something. The female said something, then called the male away. I saw the female reprimand the male, making him cringe to the ground with guilt—or was it fear? The female then went back to Asari and exchanged a few words with her before finally sitting down and staring at Asari.

"Decided yet?" I turned around to see Sicwele standing in front of a fresh carcass. He had gotten food for me all of yesterday, too, while I had sat and stared at Asari. I motioned him over to watch the scene. I saw him raise his eyebrows. "They're going to starve her to death."

"I know. I was thinking about breaking her other leg, then playing with the first one a while, you know, pushing the bones through the skin, pulling on it, that sort of thing, and then slowly clawing off each one of her digits, and finally ripping open her heart and watching her bleed to death, but I like this better."

Sicwele stared down at them. "Why? Less work?"

"Wow. Another bonus. And I had just wanted the hyena who ate her brother to eat her. She hates hyenas even more than you do. I never did figure out why. Hopefully I never will, either."

"My, what a change this has wrought in you. Dingane would be proud."

"He was right. Emotions are nothing more than hindrances. May this be the last time I feel anything even approaching compassion."

Sicwele turned to me. "Akasare?"

"I mean it. I never want to feel that weakness again."

He stared down at Asari and the hyenas for a few seconds. "Yeah, Dingane would have thought of something better."

"We can't all be good at everything." I turned and started on the carcass, eating only a few bites before I turned to watch the scene again. Sicwele finished the rest. This went on for three days. Sicwele bringing the food, me eating barely any. He said he took them from hyenas. I didn't really care where it came from. I barely ate, I never slept. I didn't seem to need it. Sicwele tried to make conversation, but after the first day he stopped. I wasn't too talkative.

The days dragged by. The hyenas watching her, and me watching them. It was uncomfortable having to crouch or lie down all day to stay hidden. But it was worth it. Time seemed to slow down just for this. I never realized revenge was such a time-consuming business.

On the third day Asari finally spoke to the female again. The hyena walked over to her, and Asari grabbed the hyena's throat. They exchanged words, then Asari released the hyena. The hyena licked Asari's face, then grabbed her neck. She shook until it broke. The female walked over to her mate and woke him. They spoke, the male approaching Asari hungrily. The female left. The male looked down at Asari, then ran after the female, leaving Asari untouched. Oh well. You can't have everything.

oOo

Sicwele and I arrived at the den in two days. Three days of nearly starving myself on top of a year and a half of unintentionally doing it had really left me with an appetite, and I spent two days just hunting, gorging myself, and sleeping before we went back. Happy days. Especially for Dingane.

He was pretty happy about all this. At least, he seemed happy, as happy as anyone with a kingdom full of worries on his back could be. I never did understand how Mpande coped. Dingane may have been happy, but Sicwele was not. He constantly reminded Dingane of his kingdom he was promised. Some lion named Tshingwayo ran it.

It was pretty interesting to see how Sicwele actually did handle himself with the pride. Cruelty seemed to be second nature to him between himself and those who he didn't think necessary. Many of the lionesses came to fear him, at least a little. If he had stayed longer, I'm sure he would have made a much larger impression. I hadn't really had a chance to see his really nasty side, other than the few times he had attacked hyenas in the Outlands or during my self-imposed with me watching. That was what really interested me. He could be as ruthless as Dingane if he felt like it, possibly even worse. He tended to put on a sort of royal air. It was clear he thought himself above all of the lionesses.

Finally, five weeks after Asari's death, Dingane decided he had enough of a grip on the pride to actually go to war. I don't know how he decided this; I never really thought he even had a grip on himself. I wasn't one to talk; now that I had shut off my feelings, I became more like Dingane than I care to admit. It wasn't the same between me and the pride. I had been respected, liked. Now I was just there, more like an outsider than anything. All of my relationships seemed to just fall apart. You pay a price for power.

Dingane decided to tell the pride that he had discovered where the pride that killed Mpande was. Nearly all of the lionesses were ready to kill at once. Dingane thought it was his leadership that spurred them on. I thought that it was more their love of Mpande. Either way, we set out for Tshingwayo's lands the next day. It was a full day away, so we had plenty of time on the way there. I stayed in the back with Sicwele, just talking over various things. A lot like our time in the Outlands, really. Probably the only decent part of the whole screwed-up campaign. I finally learned why he wanted this kingdom so badly.

"I need a reason."

"Reason? For what?" he asked.

"I almost got myself killed the last time I pulled something like this. I'm not about to do it again without knowing why."

"You knew why the last time. You had to do it; otherwise Dingane and I would have taken you to some backwater cave and beaten you to death."

"Okay, but why do _you_ want a kingdom."

"I don't. I've lied to you, 'Sare. A long time ago, there was one lioness I cared for. That's why I want this kingdom. It's just the only way to get her back."

"You want to overthrow a kingdom all for one lioness?"

"It's the only way. She deserves the world, not just that pathetic kingdom. I would have brought her here, but it Dingane would never allow it. I never even brought up the possibility, so he never had a chance to tell me to go to hell."

"I'm still not too fond of the idea of doing this for a lioness. I'm still trying to get over that last experience."

"I don't know if Asari really loved you or not, but Scai'a loves me. And I love her, more than you know. Tshingwayo exiled me, all for making a little mistake with a lioness. I got angry, I hit her for insulting Scai'a, and he exiles me. Just for one little blow. And she's been waiting for me all this time. I know, I've gone back, I've seen her. She still loves me just as if I was still there."

"If you say so. Well, now I have a reason." There was a slight pause. I could tell he was not telling me everything. When you spend about half your life in the company of only two lions, you get to know them pretty well. He finally spoke up again.

"He was my father."

"Beg pardon?"

"Tshingwayo."

"Your _father_ exiled you?"

"Yes. I guess that's part of the reason I want the pride back. I would be the next king. Who knows who it'll be if I don't go through with this. But I wouldn't care less if I ended up with the pride, so long as I got Scai'a. I don't know what would happen to me without her. I'd probably have ended up bitter like Dingane."

After that we walked in silence for some time. He seemed happy thinking about her, so I didn't interrupt him. Finally he spoke.

"Anything new?"

"Sorry?"

"Remember anything lately?"

"It's hard to say."

"Say it anyway."

"Nothing. Ever. Sometimes I think it's something, but it's nothing. Kind of strange when that happens. So you can understand if I'm still a little bit confused about all the 'joys of cubhood' that you had."

"Have you ever tried?"

"A few times. Mostly just dreams."

"That same one again, huh?"

"Yeah." Then it was my turn to just walk quietly. I didn't know why I remembered nothing. If I had parents, why hadn't they been there for me? If they had lost me, why hadn't they looked? I still didn't understand what parents really were. The closest thing I had was Dingane and Sicwele. And as anyone should know, two killers aren't exactly ideal parents.

After this, everything else seemed like small talk. Just reminiscing about training in the Outlands, about all the places Sicwele had been before he had found me, about the best meals we could think of. Nothing important, just something to make the time go by. The rest of the pride trudged on in silence. Everyone seemed to be thinking of Mpande. We reached the kingdom by nightfall the next day. According to Sicwele, they had their den in the wall of a gorge. The plan was simple enough. Take up places outside it, and threaten them to "surrender and die." Not a single lioness wanted to exchange the word "or" for "and." To them, Mpande had died at the paws of these heartless monsters, and they would pay the price for it.

So Dingane sent me, Sicwele, and half the pride to sneak down the gorge on one side of the den, and the rest on the other. We just took them to the top on our side and waited while Dingane put his on one side. It was dark that night, no moon at all. You couldn't even see your allies if you didn't see them move. Sicwele and I didn't want to risk any lives by putting a lioness in the wrong place, so we waited for an hour, making sure we knew the positions. One of the lionesses got impatient, though. She walked up to me and Sicwele and asked angrily:

"Why are we not moving? I don't even see why Dingane sent you here if all you're going to do is—" I turned around and hit her to the ground. The rest of the pride was visibly shaken. They knew I was changed, but not like this. The lioness looked up at me with newfound fear. "I mean, whenever you're ready." There was no argument after that.

We finally decided we knew where all of Dingane's side was and led ours down the side. It was steeper than the light made it out to be, and a couple of lionesses almost fell and broke their necks. We finally made it down, and set them along the gorge wall and in front of the cave. We found Dingane in front of the cave.

"Took you long enough," he said.

"If you want to have a pride to rule after this is done, then you should be glad I'm doing this carefully," retorted Sicwele.

"Are you sure they're ready?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Now the fun begins." He let loose a huge roar. If there was anyone in that den, they were sure to be awake. "Hear this," Dingane yelled into the den. "We have come to avenge the murder of our beloved king Mpande. Come out, and we may be merciful."

"Here's hoping they don't surrender," I said.

"Shut it, 'Sare," said Sicwele. I could see anxiety on his face. We waited a few minutes. No one came out. They seemed to be taking an awful lot of time discussing their options. Then I heard the last thing I wanted to hear. One of the lionesses behind me screamed. I turned and was what looked like an entire pride coming down the side of the gorge behind us.

"Attack!" yelled Dingane. It was utter confusion. Only about half of the lionesses had actually noticed the enemy sneaking down the back side. The rest attacked the den, where they would find nothing. The half that did attack did so blindly, some attacking their allies in the bad light. It was so dark, even we were having trouble seeing. The other pride didn't seem to have this problem. They attacked us proficiently, taking down one lioness with several and then moving on to the next.

I fought back as hard as I could, killing as many lionesses as I could reach. I found myself fighting a male once, but he was attacked by Sicwele and had his throat torn out. I had never seen this side of Sicwele before. I was more likely to be smiling over a dead lion on the ground, not him. Still, there he was, smiling as he spit out what was left of the lion's throat. Then the entire world seemed to turn upside down.

I don't even know what happened. It was some kind of freak accident I suppose. One minute everything is just plain, ordinary hell, and then it's like the gods took hell, shook it up like one of those nuts with smaller nuts inside that they give cubs to play with, and threw it back down, making it break into a million little pieces. The ground started shaking, and the fight came to a complete standstill. It shook so much that everyone fell to the ground, regardless of where they were. The thing that really got us, though, was the rocks. The walls of the gorge seemed to fall apart in pieces, raining down debris. Screams erupted everywhere. I saw some lions getting to their feet and running up the sides of the gorge they came down, some with success, others getting knocked down by rocks or just losing their footing in the shaking. I would have done the same, but I was too busy trying to just stay out of the way of falling rocks. Once I heard Sicwele yell "Move!" and felt myself being tackled, but other than that I was on my own.

After a couple of minutes it all stopped. I looked around as the dust that had been stirred up slowly settled. The darkness didn't help at all. I could faintly make out the den. It looked as if there was a huge rock lodged in it. Any lionesses that hadn't wised up to the position of the other pride would be trapped in there for good. I started to walk toward the side of the gorge where we came down. I tripped over something. I heard a groan of pain and took a closer look.

It was Sicwele. He had a huge slab of rock across his back legs, and from the look of it, both of them were broken. It must have hit him standing.

"Sicwele? Can you hear me?" I turned and sat down by his head.

He coughed, getting dust out of his lungs. "'Sare. Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"I should have never gotten you into this."

"What are you talking about? I would have died if it weren't for you."

"You are dead. I've made you dead." He coughed again.

"What—"

"Shut up and listen. I don't have breath to waste on interruptions." He groaned, his face contorted in pain. "This is no way for you to live. You're supposed to be happy. Not like this. I shouldn't have gotten you into this. You could have found your home, gone back, been raised right. I'm sorry."

"Hey, you're back now at least. I can get you out of here; all we have to do is move this thing. Just let me lift—"

"No."

"But—"

"I've killed Tshingwayo. His son will probably kill me when he finds me here. But I'll see Scai'a again. Maybe I'll be spared. But at least I'll see her again."

"Sicwele . . ."

"Just do me one thing. Find something . . . something to live for. Like Scai'a . . . sweet thing. Don't die unhappy, 'Sare. Don't die unhappy." His eyes seemed to be looking into the distance, no longer focused on my paws. "Scai'a . . ." He closed his eyes for the last time I saw. I looked down at him. No one would mourn him. Except maybe me, and Scai'a, whoever she was. "Go." I stood up and ran up the side of the gorge. What was left of the pride was up there, along with Dingane.

"Where's Sicwele?" demanded Dingane.

I walked past him, heading towards our lands. "Dead."

I heard a pause behind me. "Alright, let's get back home. There's nothing more we can do here," I heard Dingane say. I kept walking, hearing Dingane and the rest of the pride follow me this time. There was no talking between anyone this time. There was the occasional sob, quickly muffled or cut off. The rest was silence the whole way back.


	4. Utopia

Chapter IV: Utopia

Two weeks. We had two weeks to lick our wounds, to live our lives as normally as we could. We had lost fifteen lionesses in the attack, and Sicwele. The few lionesses that had stayed behind to nurture the cubs were shocked at the tales of the battle, of how it had gone so horribly wrong. I still had difficulty believing it myself. Who had actually expected the earth to shake as if it were falling apart?

I was placed on permanent hunting duty while the wounded recovered. At first there were few lionesses actually able to help with the hunt, but I was more than able to fill the gap. When I wasn't hunting, I trained. Two battles I had fought. Both of them I barely escaped alive. I was sure there wasn't going to be a third like that. Dingane said almost nothing to me. I was just a member of his pride; I deserved no special treatment. The pride gave me plenty of special treatment, all of the kind I didn't need. They avoided me. Maybe they were scared of me, maybe they despised me. All I know is those two weeks were the loneliest I had been through so far.

Two weeks. Then they came looking for us.

It happened one morning. I was lucky to have been awakened by that nightmare again, the one I told Sicwele about. It was strange, to only be able to see the lions who were encouraging me in it only in my dream. Only Dingane remained.

I went down to the lake for water. I never got any closer to it than the top of the den's hill. As soon as I looked over it, I immediately thought _Oh, hell_. At least two prides were walking across Dingane's lands, both of them headed for our den. I turned and went back to the den, waking everyone. Dingane didn't appreciate it at all.

"If you are going to wake us, you should at least let the sun rise," he remarked.

"By the time it's risen, you'll be dead. You'll still be dead if we don't move _now_."

"What are you—"

"Two prides, both on their way to kill us. They'll be here any minute. We have to leave."

"We're not going anywhere."

"What kind of fool are you?!"

"We will not leave this land!" I clubbed him in the head, knocking him to the ground, out cold. I turned to the lionesses.

"You want to live? Come with me." I struggled to place Dingane on my back.

"Where will we go?" one protested.

"The Outlands."

"No one can live there," said another.

"I did. So _move!_"

They moved. Mothers picked up their cubs, the rest hurriedly getting themselves up. I shifted Dingane on my back, trying to balance him as best I could in the short time I had. I ran out of the den, staggering slightly under the extra weight. I ran back the way I never hoped I would have to, toward that desolate wasteland I once called home. The rest of the pride followed me, their breathing heavy and labored as they struggled to keep up with me. I heard a mighty roar as we went over the hill that blocked our former den from the view of the Outlands. I stopped and turned, seeing a lion with a red mane standing in front of the den, along with what looked like two prides' worth of lions. I never did find out who that was.

After that we walked the rest of the way to the Outlands. I could hear some of the cubs moaning as they watched the landscape transform around them. They said they didn't like it, that the dust made them thirsty, that they needed to eat breakfast. I don't know what kept me from turning around and telling the little buggers where to shove their petty complaints. Dingane finally woke as we passed by where I grew up. As you can expect, he wasn't the happiest.

"Do you want to go back and fight off sixty lions?" I asked him. After that he shut up and led. There wasn't nearly enough room to house a pride where I had grown up. It was just a small cave. It was snug with just the three of us; I really doubt we could have gotten more than five very uncomfortable lionesses in there. So we kept walking. Eventually we ended up in a basin. Big basin. I mean huge. According to Dingane, it was where that "whacked-out chick" had lived with her cubs. The one who had my bloodlust.

The pride was forced to sleep in termite mounds, just to stay warm at night. Cubs died off, unable to get milk from sick mothers, who in turn were starving due to lack of food. I didn't understand how that one lioness's pride even lived her in the first place.

Hunting was a full time thing now. It wasn't hunting so much as poaching. There was some very nice land next door. A lot like Lakeside. Good meat, nice grass. I saw it and envied the lions who owned it. I slowly got to know a bit more about them. I snuck off when Dingane was busy throwing his royal weight around, getting extra meat off carcasses instead of giving it to his lionesses and cubs as he should have. I myself was eating carcasses to the bone again, licking off every last piece of meat I could find on it. It became habit more than anything.

So I snuck into the lands next to us. They were called the Pridelands. They, like us, weren't so well off, either. A few years ago a band of cheetah fanatics had ripped through their pride, killing the king, the elder lionesses, and even killing one of the royal cubs. The new king, Kovu, ruled, but supposedly he was only a shadow of the past king. His son, Fujo, was always to be found walking around the kingdom. He seemed to have a lioness, Tumai, but she didn't seem to care for him much. No one seemed to care for anyone. Happiness seemed to stop at the borders of their den.

All of this I learned from observing. I learned all of their names, their lineage, where they could usually be found. And I envied them. They were no longer concerned with the Outlands; they never looked here. So I was able to start it. A plan. Just a shift in the balance. The balance I had learned from Mpande. The basin we resided in had some minor growth, but after a month of having us in it, all growth disappeared. I saw an alternative. The lionesses were complaining. I would put them out of their misery, and make for their offspring a paradise, a land where they wouldn't need to worry about where to get the next meal.

But I needed to change the balance first. I would make sure of everything. I coldly thought over who would stay, who must go, how many to keep in order to bring it about. When I was satisfied, I began.

I started on hunting detail. There wasn't enough prey to justify a full hunt, so we hunted in groups of twos. In an attempt to not overhunt, we only sent out six groups, leaving twenty-four to sit and think about what they could have possibly done to have the gods let them wind up in a hellhole like this. So I went with Kwanza. We got just out of sight of the camp when I decided to do it. She was walking, not expecting anything. We go around a cliff, and I spoke to her.

"Kwanza."

She turned around, and I whacked my paw into the side of her head, knocking her to the ground. I leapt on her throat, tore it out between my teeth, spit it out. I looked at her, her face still one of surprise. I juggled her to my back, and walked back down into our "den." It didn't even deserve to be called that. All the lionesses were staring at me as I brought in Kwanza's body. I shook her to the ground, them all in front of me, staring at her. One of the lionesses came over to her body. I think she may have been her sister. She finally spoke up.

"What happened?"

"This." I tore my claws through her throat, watched her collapse to the ground on top of Kwanza. The other lionesses watched for a moment, then attacked. I remember slashing at a few, trying to take them down as quickly as I could. I don't really remember much of what happened after that. I guess I won.

One thing I do remember clearly was killing Dingane. He had stayed behind, watching his lionesses get killed one after another. I finally got done with the last of them and went for him. He ran from me, the coward. He leaped over a slab of rock. I tackled him in the air, hard. He landed on the rock, his head hanging over. He turned over and attempted to slash at me, but I pinned one foreleg to the ground, broke the other on the edge of the rock. He yelled in pain. I put my paw to his throat, cutting off air, then dug my hind legs' claws into his stomach I watched him writhe in pain, unable to breathe, or even speak.

When he started to close his eyes, I took my paw off his throat, letting in a breath before replacing it. I dug my claws into his body, watching him squirm. I wanted him alive as long as I could to feel pain. I wanted him to see my triumphant face as I killed him. I would show him expendable, show him worthless, show him everything that I could have been. I finally removed my paw again, and this time threw it as hard as I could into the underside of his chin. His neck flew up and to the side, broken. Just to make sure, I tore out his throat. I had enjoyed it. Immensely.

After that I knew I didn't have much time before the hunting parties came back. I wanted them alive, needed them alive for a proper balance. I was too injured to fight them, anyway. As the adrenaline wore off, the pain set in. I had a gash across one leg in addition to numerous ones across my body. But it was the leg that bothered me. I couldn't run, only limp. So I did. I limped away as quickly as I could, knowing I wouldn't be safe anywhere near here. I crept to a safe distance away, and watched as the hunting parties slowly came back. They cried over the dead, comforted each other. I shed no tears. The cub Mpande had seen in me was dead. Only the lion remained.

They left, looking for me. They went completely the wrong way. I crept back down to the bodies, fell to the ground, exhausted. I was going to die here. No food, no water. Just dead. Then I looked around. I slowly realized it. I had plenty of food. All right here. I wasn't sure what lion tasted like, but I didn't have any other choice. But for now, rest. I laid my head down and went to sleep.

oOo

I woke up hungry. I remembered what I had decided, and slowly got up and limped to a corpse. I looked down at the beautiful lioness. I wasn't too sure I wanted to do this. Then my stomach rumbled and I left all regrets behind. I bit into the lioness's side, tearing out a chunk. It was wonderful. I turned the sweet meat over and over in my mouth, trying to get all of the flavor out of it. It was nothing like the other animals I had eaten. It was so much better. I swallowed it, and dug greedily into it after that. I stripped her body entirely clean, then slept again. It went on for three days. Six lionesses were eaten. By the third day I could walk just fine. So I left. They were beginning to smell, anyway.

The next three years are something of a blur, with memories sticking out. Like the time I had found what was left of the pride living a short distance away. They had figured out it was me who killed all of them. One of them was pregnant when she left my slaughter site. She gave birth to a cub. They named him Mvushi, and were raising him up to kill me. A lot like me and Mpande. Except I actually had competent teachers.

I met him once. He had grown up a little. He still didn't have his full mane, but he at least had the beginnings. I just sat there, watching him walk by. I stayed as still as I could. He didn't notice me. I just watched him. I had watched him like this plenty of times before. I wanted to teach him, to have him learn from me, to have him carry on in my place. So I had to actually talk to him. I switched my tail, making what little grass there was rustle. He immediately turned to see the noise and saw me sitting. I smiled. "Hello, Mvushi."

He stood there for a few seconds, not recognizing me. Then suddenly surprise filled his face, to be immediately filled with anger. "You filthy murderer!" He rushed me.

"Hey, take it easy," I said. He didn't stop. I sighed. I didn't want to have to do this. This could have gone so much better. He kept coming at me, and when finally leaped at me. I raked my claws across his face, knocking him to the ground and a little bit past me. I got up and looked at him. He now had a nice set of deep gashes across the side of his face. I saw him watching me from the ground with a mixture of anger and fear. The anger won out. He tried to go for my neck with his teeth. I saw it coming and knocked him out with a blow to the head. I left him there. He would come to, and just go back to his pride. I couldn't use him. They had him brainwashed.

The rest of the land bloomed before my eyes. I made sure to keep a balance between how much the herds actually ate, how much the lions ate, how much grew in one place. It was hard work. It took time, but slowly grass appeared. Then one thing I cherished above all else, an actual tree. I watched it slowly grow for two years. It was a beautiful acacia. And the rest of the basin bloomed, too. Just like Sicwele had asked, I had found something to live for. Unlike he had asked, I still remembered nothing. I had decided to stop. I didn't want to know. What if I hated who I used to be?

Unfortunately, the more I tried not to think about it, the more that stupid nightmare came up. I tried to stop it by training harder, but it didn't help either. Luckily I spent much less time sleeping. I constantly patrolled my lands, taking time to sleep only when I needed to, sometimes as little as three, but usually just five hours every day. I came to regard it as a waste of time.

Another waste of time was when another pride thought they would just walk in and take over my land. They just settled right into the place. I made it immediately clear I didn't like that. Mothers woke up in the morning to find their cubs dead with their throats cut with a single, deadly claw. They set up sentries at night, who mysteriously were found with their necks broken. Or they were found lying in pools of their own blood, with four bloody paw prints next to them indicating that the killer had sat and watched them die, watching their heart drive the life out of their body. They left after the second week.

The land didn't really amount to much. I made frequent visits to the boundaries of the Pridelands, trying to eke out every bit of information I could about its balance. It was a lot closer than Lakeside. I guess I never really thought about it, but looking back, I wanted to make it more a replica of the Pridelands than anything. Slowly, everything was covered in life. The termite mounds were covered, the barren ground was covered, the world seemed to have life breathed into it. Barely. I was forced to keep a constant balance, killing off excess animals wherever there were too many, without any regard to who it was. It would still take years to make it a functioning reality, something that didn't need constant care and attention.

I never did get those years. All because of one little fight. It's like you've been in a wonderful daydream—albeit a daydream where you're constantly watching your back for a small group of murderous lionesses and have the weight of rebuilding an entire land on your shoulders—and you're yanked out of it into reality. The more I think on it, the more this could have all been avoided if Fujo wasn't so . . . insensitive.

oOo

I wake up, I prowl around the basin for a short while, I eat, I prowl some more, I check the lions, more prowling, more eating. In other words, just an ordinary day, other than the fact that I am not happy, as the lions have gotten several new cubs in the past two days, exceeding their quota, the wildebeest are overgrazing, a pool has just dried up completely without any explanation, and that damn dream has been haunting me all day. I believe I said was _not_ happy.

And then _they_ come joyfully bounding into my life. I'm just doing more prowling, and I notice Fujo running around the Outlands. So I followed him. This was _my_ domain, not his. He didn't belong here, and the king's son was one of the last people I needed here. I wasn't finished yet. So I followed him. He never came anywhere near the basin, thank the gods. He was looking for something, I could tell. Then he finally found what—or rather who—he was looking for. It was that lioness, sitting on a hill. Tumee, Tumu, Tu-something. Tumai. That was it. I watched him go slowly up to her. He said something to her, and she responded. I couldn't hear the first part, but I did hear the second.

"I want to be alone." Fujo didn't leave her alone. He walked up to her instead, and sat down beside her. He said something to her, and made her start crying. That was it. I had had enough of royal privileges with Dingane, and I wasn't about to let him get the same. I walked up the hill, and saw him raise his leg to put it around her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked.

Fujo turned to me, looked at me with complete surprise. "Oh my god," he breathed.

He still hadn't lowered his leg. "You heard her, she wants to be alone."

Fujo walked over to me, stared at me with those blue eyes of his. "I don't believe it. You're supposed to be _dead_."

"Well then apparently Kifa hasn't told me yet." I had picked up a few words of the royal language from Dingane here and there. I didn't really expect him to get it. It seemed to fly right over his head.

"Taraju?" I turned to Tumai. She had stopped crying, and had begun to look at me, too.

"Maybe." I tried to remember what the word was. It was order. . . . But wasn't it that place that . . . no, wasn't it the name of that cub that was killed in that cheetah slaughter?

"What do you mean maybe?" asked Fujo. "You have to be him. There isn't another lion alive that looks anything like you. Where have you been? What happened?"

"You don't need to know. _Nobody_ needs to know. Especially me," I said. I hated that blank that I had. I never wanted to remember it again. Or rather, for the first time.

"Do you enjoy being cryptic?"

"No." Although it was a little fun to get under his skin.

"Don't you even know who I am? Don't you remember who she is?"

"You are Fujo, son of Kovu, king of the Pridelands, and she is Tumai."

"And this doesn't make you the least bit homesick?"

"Why? Should it?"

"What, are you saying you don't remember?" I blinked. He could be pretty perceptive. "What? You mean . . . oh gods . . ." Or maybe he wasn't.

"It took him long enough," I said to Tumai. "Not really hunting with a full set of claws, is he?"

Tumai giggled. "Nope. He never did have the brains."

"Hey, _he_ is standing right here!" said Fujo. "And what do you mean you don't remember?"

"I mean I don't remember."

"What? How do you forget years of your life like that? Do you think you just popped into existence one day?"

"As far as I can remember."

"Oh, so _now_ you can remember." There was a little pleasure in ticking him off. I didn't really like him. I didn't know why.

"You mean, you don't remember either of us?" Tumai asked quietly. "Your brother and your best friend, you have nothing about us?"

"Nothing." Tumai sat down, staring at the ground.

"Well, what do you remember?" asked Fujo. I looked away from Tumai to Fujo. Actions speak louder than words. So I slashed him across the face. I heard Tumai gasp. "Augh! Hey!"

"I remember waking up and feeling that all across my body."

"Did you have to be so vivid?" Fujo shook his head, trying to clear it. "Remind me not to piss you off."

"That would probably be a good idea." The first good one he'd had all day.

"Where have you been all this time?" asked Tumai.

"Here."

"What, just in the Outlands?"

I sighed. "You're already here," I said. "I might as well show you." I started walking toward the basin. I didn't know why I wanted to show it to them. I guess I was just proud of it.

"Hey, where are you going?" called Fujo. I didn't answer; I just kept walking. If they wanted to follow me, they would. I just kept walking towards the basin. I finally stopped on the edge and looked over it. Just like I had left it.

"How did this even get here?" asked Tumai.

"I did it," I said. I didn't really expect them to understand how.

"What do you mean you did it?" asked Fujo.

"Now that you _definitely_ don't need to know." I wasn't about to tell these two strangers what I had done to get this just right. Who knew what Kovu would do to me?

"It looks just like home," said Tumai.

"Maybe." I still thought it had a long way to go.

"Haven't you ever wanted to remember?" asked Tumai.

"I used to. Then I stopped trying."

"Why?"

"Why am I even telling you this? It's not like you can do anything for me." I turned toward her, looked at her.

"Look, we can try," she pleaded. "Come back with us. I'll help you."

_I'll help you_. I saw it. A cub speaking, "_I'll help you_." Then she reached her head back down to the carcass. Suddenly, the image was gone again. I had never seen it before. It couldn't have been a memory. I had tried too long for it to just pop up like that. But maybe . . . Just maybe . . .

"You really think you can?" I asked her. In spite of my lack of inhibitions of doing it, I wanted more. Just to finally be able to know.

"Yes." I saw the sincerity in her eyes, the longing in her voice. Reminded me a little of pathetic Asari.

"Alright. Let's go then." Tumai stood up with a smile. I followed her, walking by her side.

"Hey, wait up!" It was Fujo. Apparently he hadn't noticed us leaving. I wondered if his father would be anything like him. I enjoyed the walk back to their den. Pride Rock, that was it. I had never been this far into the Pridelands. I had been forced to stay on the fringes, staying out of Kovu's sight. It would never do to have him see a rival kingdom blooming next to his.

I just sat back and soaked up the scenery. For this short time, I had no duties, no responsibilities, no land to be watching over. I relaxed. Probably not the best idea to have when you're walking straight into some lion's den you don't know, but I did it anyway. It's probably why I told Tumai what I did remember, the part about just waking up with nothing. The darkness was coming on, and I was able to watch it as it slowly changed into night. It was beautiful. That may have been what made me relax. I really don't know.

We finally got to Pride Rock. Somehow it's just a _little_ different when it's towering over you instead of you looking at it from miles away. Just a little. A black-maned lion was sitting on the edge of Pride Rock. Probably Kovu. Tumai led the way up the steps, followed by Fujo, and then me. I had lagged behind to watch the view. As we went up the stairs, I saw the lion stand up and walk toward us. He met us at the top.

"You've brought a friend back, Fujo?" Kovu asked. I could see an ugly scar running across his left eye. I wondered what caused it. Probably that cheetah attack.

I stepped forward. "Your highness. I humbly ask that you allow me to stay here for the night."

"Of course. Stay as long as you like." Kovu smiled.

"Thank you for your generosity." I turned and went into the den, closely aware of the staring of the lionesses. The den wasn't nearly as big as the one back in Lakeside. To be honest, it felt a bit cramped. I picked an unoccupied corner of the den and lied down on my side. I looked up to see Tumai right above me. She smiled at me, then lied down beside me. Rather, on me. At least on my legs. She snuggled closer to me. I just let it go. If it made her happy, she could go ahead and do it. I was a guest; I didn't make the rules. For all I knew, she was actually _expected_ to do this. I suspected it was something more than that, though. Almost the whole way back, while I stared at the scenery, she stared at me.

I shifted my attention away from her to the mouth of the den. Kovu and Fujo were talking. After a few moments they walked away, Fujo leading Kovu away off Pride Rock. I laid my head back down, ignoring the lionesses who were whispering. After a while it all quieted down, though. Slowly I fell asleep.

oOo

I woke up. I didn't know how long I had slept, but by where the moon was, I had slept much longer than I normally had. Who knows, maybe seven whole hours. It hadn't been pitch-black when I arrived; I could just see the sun setting. Now, however, I could see the stars in the sky outside the den. I slowly started to wriggle my legs out from underneath Tumai, feeling the twinge that told me they were asleep. I tried to wiggle them a bit to get the feeling back into them, and continued trying to get out from underneath her without waking her. I finally got out from underneath her. She stirred slightly, snuggling up to where I had been.

I walked out of the den, deftly stepping over the lionesses sprawled over the den floor. I walked off of Pride Rock, down to a little hill. I sat down and thought about going back to the Outlands, just to check them. Then I reasoned they would have to be alone some time or another, one night wouldn't kill them. Hopefully.

I looked up at the stars, just taking the time to look at them. I remembered what Sicwele had said about them being kings. I wondered if Dingane was up there. Mpande had definitely made it, but what about Dingane? Had he been enough of a king? His memories had driven him to want to kill Mpande. Who knew what my unknown memories would make me do? I thought sadly of what they might make me into.

But I tried anyway. And no matter how hard I tried, nothing came.

I heard pawsteps behind me. I tried to act as normally as I could, just acting as if I hadn't heard anything. I strained my ears to hear every sound. They were coming closer to me, quietly. Mvushi couldn't have followed me all the way here, could he? Obviously he had. Just get him a little closer, and he would never be my problem again. Wait for it . . . wait for it . . .

I turned sharply, whacking my stalker up the side of the face, knocking them to the ground. I leapt on them and placed my paw on their throat and shifted my head so I could see their face in the moonlight before I killed them.

It was Tumai.

I immediately got off, sorry that I had made the mistake. "Sorry. I thought you were someone else."

She coughed for a few moments. "Who could you possibly want to do that to?" she finally gasped.

"You have to remember, I've been gone a long time. If this is where I came from."

"You still don't believe us?"

I turned away from her and sat down, looked back up at the stars. "More than I did when I first met you. But that isn't saying much." The memory of that cub had done something to convince me. It had convinced me to come here at least.

She sat down beside me. "Why are you up anyway? You used to want to get as much sleep as possible."

"You get used to not having as much. You just have to try it first."

"And what would you be doing that would have you up all night? Chasing girls all night?"

"Nothing that you need to know about. And I thought you would have figured out by now that chasing girls is not something I would do."

"What have you been doing?"

"You just don't give up, do you?"

"I just want to help you remember."

"If it's anything, I've remembered a little."

"Of what?"

"About three seconds." I sighed, remembering how Sicwele had been driven to his death by memory. "And I'm not sure if I want to remember any more."

"I would go crazy if I were you. How could you not possibly want to remember?"

"What if I don't like who I was?" I asked her. "What if I was the kind of person I despise?"

"Taraju, everyone liked you. How anyone could have possibly have despised you is beyond me." She nuzzled up to me. "I've missed you so much." She kept nuzzling. It brought back memories of my first night at Lakeside, how Asari had played me for a fool. I wasn't going to let that happen here. I pulled away sharply. "What is it?"

"You have to remember that I don't even know you," I lied.

"Not even a little?" She started to nuzzle me again. I pushed her away.

"Maybe a little. A _very_ little." I wasn't going to give her another chance. I got up and started back to the den.

"Where are you going?"

"To try to sleep. If remembering the rest is nearly as hard as what I have, I get the feeling I'm going to need all the sleep I can get." The lies came off my tongue easily. I heard Tumai laugh. I thought about it, and decided that maybe I would go back to sleep. Who knew what it would take to rip those memories out of their hiding places? I got back to the den and stepped over the lionesses, lied down. I watched Tumai working her way over them, amused. She was so inept, it was almost funny. She finally reached me and lied down next to me. I pulled in my legs, making sure she wouldn't be lying on them this time.

"Good night," she said.

"Good morning would probably be closer." I lied there and waited for her breathing to become regular before I finally drifted back to sleep myself.


	5. Recall

Chapter V: Recall

I woke a couple of hours later. I got up and walked outside, seeing the sun coming up. Kovu was sitting on the edge of Pride Rock, blocking most of the sunlight. I walked to him.

"Good morning, sire."

Kovu turned to look at me. "Good morning, Taraju."

"It's Akasare, sire."

"Of course. In good time." He turned and continued to watch the sun rise. I sat down behind him and watched as well. "So why are you up so early?"

"I just woke up."

"As good a reason as any."

I felt my stomach growl. I realized I hadn't eaten since what little lunch provided the day before. Breakfast and dinner had always been the big meals. "Sire, would you mind if I caught breakfast?"

Kovu turned around to me, mildly surprised. "We normally let the lionesses do the hunting." That, at least, didn't change here.

"I'm sorry sire, but it has been a while since I have eaten. And you of all people should know what the food is like in the Outlands."

"It's probably gotten better than when I was there." _He knows about the changes_. "We do have some food left over from the night before." I stared at him. I didn't want half-eaten leftovers. I wanted _blood_. "Alright, you may go. Just don't bring back more than you need."

"Thank you, sire." I left Pride Rock, uncertain of which direction to go. I chose to go east, hoping to find herds. I was lucky. I ran across a group of antelope and wildebeest grazing, with some of them just now getting up. I didn't waste time on stalking; there was no need for it on animals this groggy. It was just like being back at Lakeside. I quickly cut down a wildebeest, and then an antelope before I remembered that this wasn't Lakeside, and that I wasn't hunting for an entire pride. I watched as the rest of the two herds scattered, leaving me and my two kills. I placed the antelope on my back and the wildebeest in my mouth.

When I did arrive at Pride Rock, Kovu did stare at me strangely, probably wondering how I was going to eat all that meat by myself. I could always give some of it to Tumai. Most of the lionesses were up by now and were out of the den. They stared, too, but I had gotten used to that last night. I shook off the antelope and dragged the wildebeest into Tumai. I dropped it in front of her and left to get the antelope. I came back in to see her staring at me. I dropped the carcass and started eating.

"You know, we usually let the lionesses do the hunting," she pointed out.

"I feel better if I kill my own," I replied. "Just a personal thing. Used to it." I continued eating as I heard Fujo's voice.

"Hey, whatcha got there guys? Smells like fresh meat." I saw him extend his paw to my kill. "Always love a fresh—"

I slammed my paw down on top of his. _No one_ stole food from me. _No one_. "You can get your own," I snarled. I twisted my paw on his, watching him wince with satisfaction before I let go and turned back to eating.

"O-kay. Okay, okay, okay." He paused. "So, how are the head problems going? Any lights popping on in there?" He paused again. "Well that's good, I'm glad we're making such _excellent_ progress. And hey, you did it all by yourself. Doesn't that make you feel _proud?_"

I finally finished eating. "Does he ever shut up?" I asked Tumai.

"Rarely," she said. She still wasn't finished. They ate so leisurely around here. I picked up a bone from my carcass, played with it idly. I really needed to get back to the Outlands. There was _nothing_ to do here.

"Hey, I do sometimes," protested Fujo. I put the bone in my mouth and easily bit through it, breaking it in three pieces, then spit the piece in my mouth across the den. Not exactly proper etiquette for a guest, but they said I lived here. "Just . . . not when you're around," continued Fujo. I got up. If this was where I was going to get my memories back, I might as well start. I walked out of the den to see Kovu waiting for me.

"Your majesty, thank you for your hospitality." I walked past him down the steps of Pride Rock, and ran across the savannah, hearing Fujo yell out "Hey, where do you think you're going?" I didn't know. I just needed somewhere quiet to sit and think. Somewhere with no one around. I finally arrived at a little patch of savannah with no one around. I sat down and reflected on the one thing I did have.

_I'll help you_.

I tried to focus my mind. Nothing. I sighed. It was hopeless. I thought back to my failure last night, how nothing had worked. I had even given up and gone back to the den.

The den.

The back of the den. A battle outside, roaring, yowling, sobbing, fear. In the middle of cubs. Then cheetahs rushing in, breaking loose throughout the den what was commonly known as hell, and after a short scuffle, taking me and running out. With someone else. Fujo. I could see him being carried by a cheetah, and then seeing a lion leap on the cheetah. Fujo was thrown, and I heard his name ripped from my throat. Then teeth drilling into my stomach.

I was in the savannah again, lying on the ground. I hurriedly checked my stomach for the wounds. Nothing. _It was only a flashback_. _Just a flashback_. Then why was it so _real?_ I had smelt everything, heard everything, felt everything. Especially that fear. After a few minutes I got a grip on myself again. I never wanted to do that again. It hurt so much, even more than when Mpande had nearly killed me. I didn't know how it was possible.

_They want you back_. My mind wandered back to Tumai and Fujo.

_No, they want_ Taraju _back_. I sighed. I didn't want to do it. But I might owe them. I never left my debts unpaid. I screwed up my mind again and tried to focus.

Nothing.

"Are you alright?" I whirled around to see Kovu walking towards me.

"Sire?"

"You seemed to be in a lot of pain."

"Oh. You saw."

He came and sat down beside me. There was a very prolonged silence. Finally he spoke again.

"What did you see?"

"Cheetahs, and Fujo, and . . ." I didn't know how to explain it all. I turned to look at him.

"I know." I saw a tear slide down his face.

"Who was the lion?"

"Your grandfather. He took me in, and he helped me raise you as well as I could. His name was Simba."

"Simba, you know you shouldn't have the cubs up this late."

"Aw, but Grandma, we're not tired," protested Fujo, stifling a yawn. It was night at Pride Rock, and Fujo was sitting next to me.

"So what was that?" the lioness asked. Nala.

"We've told you that you need your rest." The other lioness. Kiara. Mother.

"They're just kids. You were like them. You know how they feel." I turned around to see a lion sitting behind me. Simba. And next to him, Kovu. Father.

"Yeah, Granddad's right," I felt myself say. "Just five more minutes, please?"

"What do you think, Kovu?" asked Kiara.

"I'm not going to get involved," Kovu said. "On your heads be it when Fujo wakes you up before the sun has even risen."

The sudden daylight of the savannah contrasted sharply with the night of a second ago."I miss him deeply. Almost as much as I've missed you," continued Kovu. I breathed heavily. Kovu turned to me, his face concerned. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Don't do that again. I don't like it."

"Do what?"

"You want us to do what now?"

"Just go down there and pounce on your mother. She'll enjoy it. Trust me." Kovu motioned me and Fujo toward the sunbathing area. "Go on, do it."

Fujo started running down to the area towards Kiara, who was lying on her back. I moved against any will of my own, following him. I caught up to him, and as one we jumped onto Kiara's stomach, causing her to emit a loud "OOF!" I heard laughter and turned to see Kovu laughing on the hill overlooking the area.

"Kovu!" yelled Kiara. He laughed all the harder.

The rock changed into grass, Kiara underneath me into Kovu sitting in front of me. He was looking at me, genuinely concerned. "What's wrong?"

I pounced on him, pushing him to his back. "Stop it. Now."

"Stop what?" Then again, with his face outlined with blue sky instead of grass, "Stop what?"

"Fujo won't stop poking me!"

"And I should stop him why?"

"Dad!" I batted away Fujo's paw. I heard giggling and turned to see Tumai. "What's so funny?"

"You," she said.

Fujo leapt on me and pinned me to the ground. "Gotcha."

I batted at his face. "Now Fujo, play nicely with your brother," I heard Kiara say.

"Yes, mom."

Then Kovu was underneath me again. "Stop it!" I yelled. I shook my head to clear it, only adding more confusion. "Stop the memories!"

Realization spread across Kovu's face, only to be replaced by a second later with a smile. "Why?"

"Why are there so many stars, Dad?" I asked.

"Well, it's kind of difficult to explain," said Kovu. I heard his voice from behind me on the edge of Pride Rock. "There are many, many kings. And when they die, they become a star. At least I think that's right. Simba?"

I turned to look at Kovu and Simba sitting behind me, noticing Fujo sitting next to me as I turned. "Pretty much."

"Wow." I turned to look at the stars again. "That's a lot of kings."

"How many do you think are up there?" asked Fujo.

"Why don't you try counting them?" asked Kovu's voice behind me.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine . . ." Fujo gestured with his paw at every star he counted. ". . . ten, eleven, twelve—"

"You've already counted that one," I interrupted.

"Did not!" he protested.

"Alright you two, that's five minutes!" I heard Kiara say from far behind me.

"It was not!" I said.

The sudden daylight hurt my eyes. "STOP IT!" I roared down at Kovu. I raised a paw to hit him, but he hit me with his before I had even gotten mine fully back. I never realized how fast he was, how strong he was. He hit me again, knocking me off. I rolled, and looked up when I stopped to see him standing. I didn't know how he could possibly be better at fighting than me.

"Taraju, you need to remember. It's the only way."

"I am AKASARE!"

"You are my _son_!" he yelled.

"My parents are dead! I killed them myself!" I yelled. Dingane. Poor Sicwele. And now me. I didn't want to lose me. I couldn't bear to lose me.

"You are not leaving here! You are only going to go as Taraju, or never. I will not let you walk away from this. They have suffered too long. The least you could do is help them!"

"I don't care about your pride."

"They're your family!"

"And a very nice little family thing they've got going here, Pumbaa, very nice indeed. Now if you could all just move one inch to the left . . ." I looked up from the carcass Fujo and Tumai were helping me eat to see a warthog standing next to a meercat who holding his hands out in front of him in the shape of a box.

"What're you doing?" asked Fujo.

"No, say it as if you _mean_ it! You have to _live_ the part, not just act it. Only then will you truly achieve fame, and become . . ." He spread his hands out majestically and paused. "Well, what will he become, Pumbaa?"

"Famous?" asked the warthog.

"No, it's that other word. It's . . . it's . . ." The meercat snapped his fingers, trying to remember. "That's right. He'll be—"

I shook my head, dislodging the memory. "I don't care."

"What about Tumai?" he asked furiously. "She's loved you—"

Sitting quietly on a hill beside Tumai. We were watching the sunset. It was beautiful. At least Fujo wasn't there. That would have ruined it. Just silence, watching that wonderful sunset. I felt her tail occasionally thump against my body, as mine did against hers.

"It's beautiful," she said quietly.

"Yeah," I whispered. And we watched it. Just sat and watched it. It was wonderful. And that ever-growing feeling of innocence, spreading until it overwhelmed me.

"—this whole time and you haven't even noticed!" Kovu's voice cut through, but the memory still played out. Just sitting there, happy. "What kind of heartless monster are you?" I kept watching, seeing the sun finally go down, and the stars slowly appearing as the sun finished its journey. And that feeling of being clean, and happy. Slowly it all faded away.

That wonderful innocence. I wanted it back. Mpande saw it in me, why couldn't I? I sat down, staring at the ground. Tumai really loved me. I felt a tear roll down my face. I never thought I'd feel that feeling again. I told myself I wouldn't. I'd sworn I wouldn't.

But there it was.

"Just open up, and you'll know." I looked up to see Kovu sitting in front of me.

I let go. I let my feelings come through me, seeing the memories rush after them, one after another, some too quickly to make out clearly, others seeming to stretch by forever. And the feelings, the whole symphony of feelings that played through me as it happened. I cried. And I laughed. But mostly, it was just the wonderful reality of what I had been running from finally being here. And then it didn't stop. It kept going, all the way down the gorge, and waking up, and Dingane, and Sicwele, Mpande, Asari, Shujaa, the killings, the building, and then here. Now. I wept. All the pain I had caused, all of the deaths. It was horrible. I was a monster. Taraju couldn't have possibly done this. How could they ever really have him back?

I looked up at Kovu. He was smiling. "It's in there."

"I know Dad. I know." I wrapped my foreleg around him, and after a moment of hesitation, I felt him do the same to me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I couldn't stop the tears. They just came. I didn't deserve to live.

"About what?"

I released him. I stared at the ground, at his paws. I couldn't bear to look at his face. I just started telling him everything. About waking up, about hobbling to the pond, about Dingane and Sicwele, about their plans, about how horribly each of them had gone wrong, how I had transformed the Outlands. I didn't tell him about what I had done to Dingane's pride, or Asari. I couldn't handle it. It was strange. _Me_ not being able to handle it. But looking back, I was never living. Now when I remembered I was just standing on the outside looking in at a body committing those horrible acts. But I could have stopped it. And then what really hurt: What would Tumai think?

Dad stared at me when I finished. I don't know how long it took. Hours, I know that. He sat quietly, probably trying to drink in everything I had done. I couldn't imagine what it was like for him. To have your son come home, only to find he's done worse things than you could possibly imagine. And I hadn't even told him everything. I finally spoke. "Dad, it's about Tumai. I don't want to do it again."

"Sorry?"

"I didn't tell you everything. I . . . I loved someone. Asari. I really loved her." I stopped, just remembering what I had done to her.

"What happened?" prompted Kovu. I looked up at his face.

"She died," I said simply. "Dingane said she had to die. He sent Sicwele, and I followed him out there. I couldn't just let her die. She meant too much. Sicwele met her that night. He wasn't going to kill her. If he had to, he was going to try to only wound her, so we could get away together. But that night, she . . . she did something horrible." I couldn't bring myself to live it again.

"She slept with Sicwele."

"Yes. And I killed her for it. I watched her slowly starve to death. She was hurt the next morning, and she was found by hyenas. They starved her for three days, and I just sat there, watching in cold hatred. I could have stopped it, but I didn't. She finally gave in and let the hyenas kill her. I don't want something like that to happen to Tumai."

Dad sat and thought. Finally, he spoke. "Son, this happened after Mpande died?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, but have you considered . . . She thought you were dead. You can't have expected her to hang onto you. She may have really loved you back."

"Oh gods . . ." Just one more horrible shock to face.

"Tumai does love you. She always has. I've was hoping to watch you two grow up, and learn what love was just as your mother and I did, but you left. . . . But you're back now. Try to make the most of it."

"Yes, sire."

He smiled sadly. "You don't say sire to anyone here. They say sire to you." He paused, staring at me. "Come back when you're ready." He turned and left for Pride Rock.

I sat there, more alone than I had ever been, but left with more than I had ever dreamed of.

oOo

I spent the rest of the day thinking over the memories. The initial shock was over, but I still was numb from it. They had completely changed the way I looked at things. In just one day years of my life had been uprooted.

It was difficult.

Near sunset I made my way back to Pride Rock. Going all day with no food I should have been hungry. I guess I didn't notice it. I saw Dad sitting on the edge of Pride Rock again, smiling for once. He only seemed to do it when he really meant it. I wondered what life had been like for him before I had come back. I walked up the steps and found him at the top waiting for me.

"Your mother's inside waiting for you."

I sighed. "Did you te—"

"No."

"Do you think she—"

"Yes."

"Are you—"

"Positive."

"How do you even know what I'm going to say?"

"I'm your father." I smiled a little. "And as such I order you to get in there and tell her that you're back. Go on."

I walked into the den and looked over the few lionesses resting inside. I saw one in a corner being consoled by two others. It was Mom. I slowly walked over to her, noticing as I got closer that she was crying. The two others heard me and turned. Mother didn't though. She just kept crying.

"Mom," I said hesitantly. She gave a small gasp and looked up, her eyes red from constant crying. I felt for her. I couldn't even imagine what she had been going through for the time I was gone. "I'm back."

She let out a sob and embraced me with one foreleg, sobbing into my shoulder. I patted her back. "I've missed you . . . Oh, how I've missed you." She pulled back and looked at my face. "My little Taraju." She hugged me again. I saw the lionesses who were consoling her smiling. It was Grandmother and Aunt 'Tani.

"Don't worry," I said. I rubbed my paw across Mother's back. "I'm back now." After a few minutes she let go. Her face was wet, but she was done with crying. I felt happy for once. Actually happy. Not some adrenaline-induced high, but truly _happy_. I smiled at her.

"My little cub. Now you're all grown up."

"I couldn't help that." She gave a small chuckle. I looked back out the front of the den then back to her.

"Well, go on," she said. "We'll have plenty of time to catch up later. Go on, see your father and brother."

"Thanks, Mom." So this was what parents were like. It felt good. I turned and walked out of the den. Dad was waiting for me right outside. He smiled when he saw me.

"I don't see any blood. So it went well?"

"Yeah. Where's Tumai?"

"She's down at the sunbathing area. You remember where it is?"

"Ha, ha." I smiled again.

"You definitely didn't get that odd smile of yours here." He gave a small sigh. "Go on now."

"Thanks." I walked down around Pride Rock to the tanning rock. Fujo was lying on his back on a rock, playing with a piece of the bone I had broken this morning. Tumai was on her side. She looked up when she saw me. Fujo took no notice and just kept on talking.

" . . . I'm telling you, he is completely crazy, wacko, mad, bonzo, cuckoo, insane, bonkers, nuts. I mean, the guy is a total whack-job. It's like he doesn't even have all the pulleys to work the elevator, never mind it going to the top floor. It's like he ate something and it—" Yup. That's Fujo.

"Sorry I'm late," I interrupted. Fujo flipped over faster than anything I've seen, looking at me fearfully. Either that or in surprise. I tried to give him a look that said _relax_. Apparently it didn't work, so I tried to joke. "I forgot what time dinner was." It didn't come naturally to me at all.

"Funny."

Tumai started to say something, didn't quite get it out. Then: "Did you—" She stopped.

I stared at her. To think I would have killed her last night, this beautiful lioness. "Yeah." Yes, I have, I remember you, I love you . . . and you'll hate me.

"Okay," said Fujo's voice cutting through my thoughts, "what happened the time we—"

"And I need to think on it," I continued. "Or at least sleep on it. A lot."

Fujo stretched out on his rock. "I knew it." He laughed. "Still nothin' in your noggin."

"Don't doubt me. I'll make sure you'll never do it again, even if you wanted to." The response came naturally, completely without thought. I turned to go back into the den. I desperately needed rest. Half of me wanted to stay with Tumai, but the better half didn't want to tell her at all. Especially with Mr. Insensitive there. I heard Fujo's voice follow me back up the ledge that outlined Pride Rock.

"See? What'd I say? Still moody, sullen, angry Mr. Lovable." I ignored him and continued up to the den, lying down in the same spot as the night before. As I went in I saw Mom sitting next to Dad on the ledge. Something told me it would be a late night for them. As for me, I was turning in early. I curled up and drifted off, hoping that my dreams wouldn't be as disturbing as my new reality.

oOo

I watched myself as I tore through the pride, decimating everyone in my path, be they foolish enough to stand in my way or cowardly enough to run. I saw myself finish off the last of them and saw Dingane running away. I watched as my body leapt through the air and pounced on Dingane. Dingane rolled over, revealing Kovu's face. I yelled at my body to stop it, that it was a mistake, to not make this mistake again. I watched as I slowly crushed the life out of my father.

I woke up breathing heavily. I turned to the back of the den to see Dad sleeping there peacefully alongside Mom. My breathing still hadn't slowed down. I tried to calm myself. _It was only a dream_ . . . _it's over_. _I'm not going to do it again_. I shook my head sadly, trying to get the last bits of the dream out of it. It seemed that as soon as I got rid of one kind, another replaced it. I took a deep breath and noticed Tumai lying next to me again. I nuzzled her slightly, and heard her purr in response. I sighed. She could never know. I could never tell her. I heard a faint moan and turned to see Fujo sleeping, jerking slightly as he slept. Now him I could talk to. Maybe I could even have him help me tell Tumai. He wouldn't care.

I got up and walked over to Fujo. His mouth opened slightly and his tongue ran across one side of his mouth. I poked him in the back. "Fujo," I whispered. "_Fujo_." Still nothing I prodded him again. "Fujo!" I hissed. I prodded him harder. "Fujo, wake up. I need to talk to you." I saw him open one eye and stare at me before turning over.

"It can wait until tomorrow," he said grumpily.

"Fujo!" He didn't answer. I slowly counted to ten. This was my brother, I didn't want to hurt him, I didn't need to do anything stupid to him . . . He was still lying there. So I motivated him. I covered his nose and mouth with one paw and dug my other paw's claws into his shoulder. The result: His body leaps into the air with his head stuck on the ground, trying to yelp through my paw. It was almost comical. I took my paws off him.

"Okay, okay, I'm up. You didn't have to do that." I turned and went outside, waiting at the slope for him to follow me. He finally arrived, yawning. "Now what is so important that we had to get up in the middle of the night?"

"I need to tell you something. Show you something, too." Well, now there was no going back.

"I don't know what they did wherever you've been, but around here we don't show off manly scars over here." I was beginning to enjoy his humor as much as climbing through bramble. I walked down the slope, hearing him follow me. After a while he spoke up again. "So, where are we going?"

"The Outlands."

"Oh, so we feel like talking now?" _Nothing stupid, nothing stupid, nothing stupid_."Well that's great. You know, they say it really hel—"

"How's your shoulder?" I asked, irritated. I turned to look at the fear on his face. I really wanted to stop seeing that on lions' faces when they saw me. He'd just have to be an exception tonight.

"You wouldn't."

"I would. So if you don't want me to make sure you have a pair, you'll shut up." I turned around and kept walking. After a couple of seconds I heard him follow me again. I tried to think of how to tell him. I could always just have him walk right up to the bodies and go from there. Or I could ease into it now. But how do you ease into something like this? _Hey, those stars are looking great tonight_. _I think I know a guy up there_. _Did I ever tell you how I knocked him off his throne and slaughtered his entire pride?_ What kind of talk is that? I decided I would just have to come out and tell him. We were getting close to the basin anyway. "Fujo," I finally spoke up, "there's not really any way to ease into this, so I'll come right out and say it. I'm a killer." It seemed to take everything just to say that.

"Yeah, I think I figured—"

"Shoulder." I heard him shut up immediately. "I really mean it. You have no idea what I've done." I walked up to the edge of the basin, sat down, staring at it. "You wouldn't believe what I did for this."

"Try me."

I turned to see him sitting next to me. "I have murdered an entire pride," I said. I watched him as he appeared to think through what I said. He finally shook his head.

"Yeah, I must have misheard you. What was that again?" I was trying to be honest with him and all he could do was joke.

"I'm not joking, Fujo." I got up and walked down into the basin. I heard him follow me, protesting.

"Look, that's impossible. You are _one lion_. There is no way that you could possibly have killed an entire pride. That's crazy." I could see where he was coming from. I doubt anyone else could have done what I did. Then I remembered how Dad had knocked me off him so easily. Maybe he could have done it. But definitely not anyone else. Dad might understand, but I couldn't expect Fujo to. I would just have to show him. I got to the edge of the clearing where I had started this whole project of mine.

"If I can't prove it to you, maybe this will." I stopped and turned around to look at Fujo. "Go on." I jerked my head towards it to tell him to go through. He walked past me.

"Oh, gods," I heard him breathe. I followed him through to the edge of the clearing and stopped, sadly looking over what a horrible mistake I had made. Bodies everywhere. One even had its spine broken through what flesh it had left on its back. I remembered sickeningly how I had actually been proud of that. I turned to see Fujo staring in disbelief. He looked up at me. "What could they possibly have done to deserve this?"

"I needed a new balance," I said emotionlessly. I had to get rid of the emotions. I couldn't even think about what I had done clearly here. "They ate too much, drank too much. I had to get rid of them. I imagined a better Outlands, these Outlands. I knew that I had to make sacrifices. They were one of them." I walked down to Fujo, looking over all of the bodies. "I simply walked right up to them and slaughtered them. They weren't expecting it, they had taken me in. I killed each and every one of them, one at a time. The last one . . . he was the leader. He had found me, took me from the edge of starvation to this pride. I made sure he suffered before I finally snapped his neck." _What have I done?_ I swallowed, put my gaze to the ground, and continued.

"I was too wounded to actually hunt for dinner that day. I took advantage of what I had. I ate them. Just went right up to a body and devoured it. I'm sure you've noticed the stripped ones. That's what happened to them. It was the best meat I had ever tasted. So sweet. After the third day they began to spoil. I could hunt by then, so I just left them here." I hated the way I described it. I looked back up at Fujo to see the revulsion on his face.

"You _ate_ lions?"

"It was either that or starving." _I should have been forced to starve_.

"You killed all of them and then you _ate_ them? What kind of sick—_thing_—are you?" He paused and looked away from me at the ground. "You aren't Taraju. He's dead."

"I wasn't Taraju," I said, trying to make him see. "I didn't remember. I do now." I swallowed hard, thinking over the memory of Mpande's death that had suddenly entered my mind. "You have no idea what those memories are doing to me. They're tearing me apart. I have done horrible, horrible things. I don't deserve to live."

"Damn right you don't! What do you think you are, a god?! How the hell did you possibly think that—"

"Shoulder," I reminded him.

"Like I give a damn what you'll do to me anymore!" he exploded. "I was happy when you came back! _Happy!_ We all were! We thought you were dead, we actually _missed_ you! What are you going to do to me if I don't shut up? Kill me? What is one more corpse around the place? Just add it to the twenty that are already here!"

"Twenty-five actually." The emotions started to seep in.

"What kind of sick bastard keeps track?!"

"Do you think I don't regret this?!" I yelled, the seeping turning into a flood. I watched Fujo cower in front of me. "I would give anything to be _anything_ other than what I am! I am _despicable!_ I can hardly keep from puking when I think of all the things I've done!" I paused, taking a deep breath. I forced my voice out levelly. "I had no morals whatsoever. The memories are finally giving them to me. I am sickened. I shouldn't be allowed to live for what I've done. I have ethics now, and they're tearing me apart. All because I wanted to make a difference."

"I'm sure what you're feeling now helps them a lot." _What's left of them_. I remembered the lionesses I had let live, how cruel it must have seemed to them. And Mvushi . . . how he would know nothing but hate for me. I felt a tear start to drip down my face. I turned away so Fujo wouldn't see. I should have hid it. I had no reason to hide it. I took a deep breath, and started again.

"Just listen to one more thing, then we'll go back to Pride Rock and you can tell them however much you want."

"Talk. Fast."

"I didn't kill all of them. I massacred the ones here when the rest were on hunting detail. I knew they were out, and I that's why I chose that time. They found the bodies when they came back. I had hidden so I wouldn't be found. They swore to find out who did it. They raised a cub to kill me. Mvushi they call him. Savior. They're coming to kill me. I don't know how they found out I did it, but they're coming. They're somewhere in this jungle, just waiting to see me. Then he'll try to kill me. I just thought you might want to know." I turned to look at him, unable to read his face. I thought he might actually try to kill me right here. He stood up and left, leaving me by myself in the massacre I had made years ago. He would go back and tell Tumai. Tell her everything. In the worst way possible. I knew it. I wept, thinking of how she would hate me for who I was. I would never have another chance with someone like her. I wept, feeling the sobs heave my body.

It finally stopped. I slowly picked myself up and started back. I ran back. I didn't know why. I just needed to run. It made me feel better. As much better as anything could. As I arrived I watched the lionesses rising and leaving for the morning's hunting. I wiped my eyes dry, looking away from them. I walked past them to the mouth of the den. I saw Tumai standing over Fujo. He was lying on the ground.

"O-kay," I heard her say. I saw her look around the den. "Where's Taraju?"

"Here," I said. She turned around, and smiled. I heard Fujo growl and I shifted my glance to him.

"What—"

"Just get breakfast for yourself. I'll tell you later," said Fujo. I watched her leave, then turned to Fujo. He stared intently at me. I stared back for a few moments, then walked over to the other side of the den and lied down, turned away from Fujo. I thought how any minute now she would come in and Fujo would tell her everything. I didn't want to be here when that happened. I didn't want to see her face. I heard the rest of the lionesses in the cave leaving slowly. I didn't know what I'd do when she found out.

So I waited. And kept going over the worst parts of my life. If you want to be happy I strongly advise against this. I didn't want to be happy. I never thought I would be happy with all I had done in my life. Mpande's death, Asari's murder, having Sicwele take that rock in the back for me, killing every lioness and Dingane, only leaving the ones I needed to keep a balance, forcing them to live a sort of tortured half-life. I didn't deserve to live. I heard Tumai's paws on the den floor.

"So what happened?" she asked. I waited for Fujo to tell all. Nothing came. "Did you remember, Taraju?"

"Yes," I said.

"That's great! I mean, you remember everything? That's wonderful!" She paused again. "What's wrong?"

I couldn't tell her. "Tumai, I don't want to hurt you. I know that now. I can't tell you. I just can't."

"Oh, so you can hurt me but not her, is that it?" said Fujo's angry voice.

"I had to tell someone," I pleaded, still not looking at him. "I had to get it off me."

I heard Fujo roll over. "Why me?" he demanded. I didn't know how to answer. Because I thought he wouldn't care? Because I thought he'd help me tell Tumai?

"What are you talking about, Fujo?" asked Tumai.

"He won't tell you; I might as well." _No, please_ . . . "That—lion—if he even deserves to be called that—is a _murderer_." I heard Tumai gasp. "That's right, a murderer with cannibalistic tastes. 'It was the best I'd ever had.' _Filth!_"

"Is it true, Taraju?" I heard Tumai ask. The sadness in her voice was overwhelming.

"Of course it's true!" I heard him get to his feet and slowly walk towards me, shouting. "Do you actually expect him to tell you? Hell, he doesn't even care about it! He is nothing more than a killer! If you had been out there, you'd be dead, too! All for his little _utopia_."

"Shut up." I said. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want her to hear it.

"Oh, does it bother you that—"

"I told you to shut up!" I turned over and knocked Fujo to the ground, placing my paw against his neck. I wanted to kill him for what he had said to Tumai.

"What are you going to do? Kill me? Just chalk one more up on your list?" Fujo spat at me. "Just so you know, in case you bother to alphabetize, I go under F."

"Taraju . . ." Tumai was speaking, concern openly in her voice. "Taraju, you're going to hurt him . . ."

I stared at Fujo, watching the defiance in his face. I didn't want to kill him. I didn't need to kill anyone. I let out a sigh and slowly got off Fujo. I hung my head. "I can't stand it."

"Just tell me," said Tumai's softly. "Don't worry about me, just tell me." I looked up at her, into her eyes. I had to do it. It would hurt her more if it came from anyone else.

"Fujo is right. Everything he's said is true. But it's not like that anymore. I have feelings now. I know what I did was wrong. I massacred an entire pride, and just because I knew how they'd feel I left a few alive to feel the pain of loss. I ate lions, and I killed the people who took me in." I slowly watched the revulsion grow on her face. I knew she would never accept me. Better to die than live like this. I acted on impulse. "I'm going to turn myself over to them. I don't deserve to live. They should at least be the ones who kill me."

"What? You can't." It was Fujo.

"I thought you were the one who was just ranting for my death."

"It's not like I actually meant it. Yes, I'm disgusted with what you've done and yes, I think you are the scum of the earth, but that was then. I just wanted to get my feelings for what you did off my chest. It's not like I actually want you gone, I never said that. You're here now. I mean, this is here, and that was then. You shouldn't have here mixed up with—"

"He's trying to say," interrupted Tumai, "that you've gone and done that. I know you're truly sorry. We know you regret it, but you've come clean. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"No. Not for what I've done." I'd done too much. I didn't deserve to live. I got up and walked out of the den.

"Where are you going?" I heard Tumai ask.

"To pay for what I've done." I ran down the steps and raced toward the Outlands. I didn't want to weaken and change my mind. I could never have Tumai, and I could never go back without being a pariah. I didn't want that. This was the only way, at least that I could see. Even though I was running my hardest, Fujo and Tumai caught up to me. Either I was slowing down, or I was too tired and hungry to actually be running. Or both. Either way, they caught me.

"Taraju, please reconsider," I heard Tumai's voice begging me. I turned to see her right behind me, and catching up. . "You don't have to go back to that. You can stay with us, we'll protect you."

"What, so more innocents can die for me? When they find I'm here, they'll kill me. And anyone in their way." I was sure of this. They would at least go up to Kovu and demand that they be given their retribution. And when they didn't get it, they would try to take it. And I wouldn't even try to stop them.

"Look, we know you can take them, so please, just don't do this," pleaded Fujo. "It was bad enough losing you once; we can't go through this again. What will Mom and Dad think?"

"Dad will understand." But he wouldn't like it. He would possibly go back to the way he had been, that cold, aloof shell that I saw when I first came, before he knew who I was. But I had to do this. Besides, he was stronger than that.

"Mom has been crying her eyes out every damn day almost. She finally stopped when you came back. She was _happy_. Do you really want to take that away from her?" I thought guiltily back to the lioness I had found weeping in the den. I didn't know how she would take it. She was so happy when I came back. No, when Taraju came back.

"She was happy with Taraju. I'm not Taraju," I responded, trying to cloud out their words. I had to do this. I thought back to everything I had done. I was sure it was better this way.

"Damn it, you are! Who do you think is even telling you to do this? Not the killer, that's for sure!" I ran past the boundaries of the Outlands.

"A few years of memories aren't enough to change someone," I said.

"Look what they've done to you!" said Tumai. "You've gone from a killer back to a cub! We want that cub back!" Mpande's little cub. He was still in there. But it was him who told me to do this.

"Don't give me any more reasons to not go through with this." I stopped at the edge of the basin and turned to face them. "I want you to go back and tell them what I've done, and what I'm doing. Whatever you do, don't go down there after me. I _will_ kill you." I wouldn't do that. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't kill anyone else. But it helped me to have them think I would. I walked down into the basin, and as soon as I was far enough away for them not to see me, I broke into a run for the remnant of Mpande's pride. I finally reached it and yelled out, "Mvushi!"

Every lion in the place suddenly looked at me. They all roared. Mvushi leapt out in front. "Why are you here?" he demanded.

"I want to pay for what I did to all of you."

Mvushi looked at me in disgust, accenting the four scars I had given him years ago. His mane had filled out, making it red like Dingane's. He was probably Dingane's son as it was. "Why?" he hissed.

"I've realized my mistake. Just do what you were meant to."

He slowly began to come towards me, a look of intense longing on his face. "You have no idea how long I've waited to do this."

Suddenly Fujo was between the two of us. "Taraju, think this through!" he demanded. I hit him as hard as I could, knocking him to the ground. I saw Tumai standing at there, staring at me in disbelief and horror of what was going to happen. I turned back to Mvushi. "Do it now."

oOo

So here I am. There's my story. So that all of you know. There's Fujo lying on the ground with Tumai behind him, identical looks of horror on their faces. There's Mvushi running towards me, about to kill me. I won't fight back. I'll just hope he goes for the neck. There's no quicker way to die than to have your head arched back. One of the first lessons Dingane taught me.

I know how I'll be remembered. As a killer. As a slaughterer. As someone with no heart, with no conscience. I just hope that they don't remember me for just that. I made horrible mistakes, and I'll be the first to say that. But I didn't want to. It's just how I was raised. I know it sounds like I'm trying to duck it, but if you look where I am right now, just seconds from death, you'll realize that I know what I've done. And how I despise myself.

As for Tumai, she'll have Fujo. Poor, insensitive, funny Fujo. Everything that I'm not. I'll miss her more than anything. If only this could have turned out differently. We could have been together. Just me and her. Sweet thing.

For everyone I've killed, I'm sorry. Sicwele is probably dead because of me, and Scai'a was left to mourn over his body. Mpande's gone, and poor little blind Shujaa, and especially Asari. I know now that she did love me. But I didn't know. I really am sorry, I didn't know. But I'll be able to say it to them personally. Just a few seconds and it'll all be over. As for the Outlands, I hope I leave them a better world than I did before. And if I don't, I hope I at least leave this world a better lion. Remember my atrocities, but just also remember that I tried to pay for them.

Arch your head back.


End file.
